


You Felt Right

by xanavici



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Amelie and Satya are good friends, Biker McCree, College AU, Fluff, Genji Is A Good Bro, Hanzo has feelings, Hanzo has mild anxiety, Hipster Hanzo, Little bit of angst, M/M, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, One-sided pining, Slow Burn, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, and he doesn't know how to deal with them, background OCs - Freeform, background gencio, background r76, brother bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 13:19:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14106264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanavici/pseuds/xanavici
Summary: In his final year of college, Hanzo just wants to focus on graduating, getting a job, and spending time with his friends.  A wrench is thrown in his plans when he meets the friendly TA for one of his classes, Jesse McCree.  Now Hanzo has to juggle a meddling brother, nosy friends, and feelings he really does not want to deal with right now.





	You Felt Right

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there everyone! I am so excited to finally share my Big Bang Piece that has been almost a year in the making! I hope you enjoy and check out the other fics in the collection! 
> 
> And [here's](https://cyde.tumblr.com/post/172281990227/so-excited-to-finally-share-my-piece-for-the) the beautiful art done by my event partner Cyde! Please go check it out because it is adorable!!!

Hanzo steps out of his car, takes a deep breath, and feels all of the tension in his shoulders release.  Genji can call him a nerd all he wants but he loves being at college.  He loves his math classes, he loves hanging out with his friends, and he loves being an ocean away from his family. 

“ _Aniki_ , I’m hanging out with Hana and Lúcio tonight so I won’t be home until late,” Genji yells as he runs off to the art and graphic design building.  Hanzo waves him off before walking over to the courtyard to find his own friends.  He became quick friends with Amélie and Satya his freshman year when they bonded over deadpan and resting-bitch-faces.  They’ve been friends ever since and stuck with each other through the death of Amélie’s fiancé, fruitless search for Satya’s real family, and the fallout with Hanzo’s family. 

He finds the two ladies sitting at a table in the courtyard, Amélie playing on her phone and Satya designing her newest project on her tablet, though both look up and greet him when he sits down with them. 

“Look who’s finally here,” says Amélie.  “We thought you decided to stay in New York?”

“Good to see my best friends again, I can see you missed me so much,” Hanzo says in deadpan.  That gets Amélie to crack a small smile and get up to kiss his cheek.  “As much as I liked New York, I could not wait to get back here.  The city is beautiful, but loud and too crowded.”

“My parents thought so also.  I think that is why they moved us back to France as soon as I made the ballet company there.”

“The architecture there is stunning.” Satya offers before returning to her tablet.

“Speaking of which, how was France?” Hanzo asks.

“Eh, the same.  I danced, I partied, I drank, I broke far too many hearts.”

Hanzo could tell she was holding something back, probably something to do with her former fiancé, but Hanzo let it drop.  He knew something about not wanting to talk about the past.

“What about you, Satya?  How was India?”

Satya looks up from her project with a vaguely annoyed look, like she wasn’t happy that her concentration was broken.  “I spent most of my time working on designs.  Mr. Kapor said it was some of the best work he has ever seen and some of the designs might be implemented in the coming years.   How far did you get in the reading for Calculus Four?”

Not thrown by the sudden change in topic, Hanzo pulls out his textbook from his messenger bag.  “I finished reading through chapter eight but section six-point-three confused me on what we are supposed to do after we solve the partial derivative.”

Satya reads over the section quickly before remembering how to solve the problem type.  “Ah yes, I discovered that you are supposed to-” suddenly Satya is cut off by a loud rumbling.  All three friends whip their heads up and start searching for whatever so rudely interrupted their study session.  Hanzo discovered the source was a large red motorcycle pulling into the parking lot next to them.  He immediately rolled his eyes; nobody would ride a machine such as that without compensating for something.

“Someone is trying to compensate,” Amélie says from next to him, voicing his exact thoughts.

Hanzo and Satya hum in agreement before turning back to the motorcycle to see who would dare ride something like that.  They watch a very tall man swing his jean clad, long legs over the bike and stand up straight.  When the man takes off his helmet and sunglasses, Hanzo quirks an eyebrow. 

The man is handsome to say the least.  Tanned, rugged face, strong jaw line, messy beard.  Face framed by shaggy brown hair that the man tousles with his hand to get rid of the helmet hair.  Hanzo finds his eyes dragging farther down and sees a very solidly built torso hiding under a simple white vee-neck, red bandana, and black leather jacket.  Farther down are jean clad legs that go on for miles.  Hanzo is envious of the muscle definition there; no matter how much he weightlifts he can never get his thighs and calves to bulk up like that.

Hanzo doesn’t even realize he’s staring until a ball of paper is thrown in his face, breaking the stupor he was in.  He turns around to find Amélie with a wicked smile on her face.

“Oh _chérie_ , are you serious?”

“What?”

“Out of all the men on campus you have to choose him?  Someone who has obviously never seen a razor in his life and has dirt on all of his clothes.”

Hanzo looks back over to the mystery man and sure enough, there is dirt all over his jeans and boots but that only adds to the man’s true biker aesthetic.  But that doesn’t matter because he’s the complete opposite of everyone Hanzo’s ever hooked up with.

“I do not know what you are talking about.  He is not even my type.” 

Amélie just hums and returns her attention to her phone.  Why does she never believe him?  “Don’t you have a class to get to, _chérie_?”

Hanzo checks his phone and curses.  He forgot about his American Government class and now he barely has enough time to get across campus to class and get a front row seat.  Thanks to an oversight with his advisor, he almost missed a general education requirement that would have made him push back graduation another semester at least and after already having to stay a fifth year after switching his major junior year, he did not want to pay for another semester of classes.  By the time he found out about the mistake this class was the only class left with an opening.  Needless to say, Hanzo was not excited for this class. 

Hanzo says a quick goodbye before grabbing his bag and taking off in a sprint.  By the time he gets to his class he is out of breath, sweaty, the hair still left on his head after getting the undercut is falling out of its neat bun, and he has forgotten all about the motorcycle rider and Amélie’s teasing.  Hanzo takes a moment to compose himself, retie his hair and make sure his eyeliner isn’t smudged.  If there was one thing his bastard father and over-controlling relatives taught him it was the importance of a good first impression and he would die before risking his first impression with this professor looking like a sweaty mess. 

Hanzo walk through the door and immediately freezes.  Standing at the front of the classroom, talking with the professor, is the motorcycle man from earlier.  For a moment Hanzo is glad he fixed his appearance, until he’s shaking his head and walking towards the front of the classroom.  Why was he concerned with impressing the biker?  He snags one of the last two seats in the front row and sits down right before the professor starts talking.

“Hello everyone and welcome to History 1011, American History and Politics,” the professor says in the most monotone voice Hanzo has ever heard, and his relatives had perfected monotone.  “I'm Professor Lodge and right now your TA for this class, Jesse McCree, is passing out the syllabus.  Please take one and read over it.”

So, now Hanzo knows mystery man’s name.  That makes the social media snooping he was definitely not going to do later so much easier.  McCree starts handing out copies of the syllabus and Hanzo once again, for some reason, finds himself relieved he doesn’t look like a mess because he’s the first person Jesse stops in front of.  The dazzling smile McCree offers him causes his brain to shut down for a second (it is a really nice smile) but he recovers gracefully and takes the stack of papers with his own grin.  A grin that for once doesn’t feel forced.  That seems like it was the right move because McCree’s smile widens (not that it seems possible but it does) before he moves on to the next row.

Maybe this class won’t be a complete waste of time.

 

* * *

 

By the time Hanzo gets home to his apartment that night he’s strangely exhausted.  Seriously, he shouldn’t be this tired after a day full of going over syllabuses and a workout at the campus gym.  The only thing that prevents him from falling straight into bed is his growling stomach and his very loud brother/roommate who greets him as soon as he walks through the door.

“Hello _aniki_ , you’re home late.  Did you find some hot guy to finally end your pitiful dry spell?”

Hanzo froze.  Did Amélie tell him about McCree?  Oh wait, Amélie and Satya refuse to associate with the green haired, hyperactive gremlin, even under threat of death.  She wouldn’t have told Genji any of her baseless theories concerning McCree.

“And you’re home early,” says Hanzo, masterfully dodging the question.  “Weren’t you going to hang out with Hana and Lúcio tonight?”

“I was but Hana forgot she was going to stream tonight and Lú wanted to get a head start on his next composition for the Winter Showcase.  Did you know he’s already been asked to headline it?  I mean usually they don’t choose a headliner until a month before.”

“That is great for him.  His music is very good.  He deserves it.  And what about Zenyatta, was he busy too?”

“If I didn’t know you any better I would almost say you were trying to get rid of me.  But yea, Zenny was already… preoccupied,” Genji sighs.

“You mean he was already high and searching for enlightenment.”

“You got me there.  Besides, now I get to spend time with my favorite brother?”

“Your only brother.  And that just means you want me to cook dinner for you.”

“Semantics.”

Hanzo sighs.  “Fine.  But you will be helping me.  Go start the rice cooker.”

Despite all their bickering, the two brothers work together seamlessly.  Hanzo thanks whoever’s listening for the thousandth time that Genji forgave him after everything that happened and gave them the opportunity to fix their relationship before it was too late.  Hanzo doesn’t know what he would do without Genji. 

Probably get more sleep and less stress-induced gray hairs but that’s beside the point.

“So, have you decided a major yet?” Hanzo asks later that night after they’ve finished eating dinner.

“Seriously?  We’ve only had one day of classes are you’re already asking me that?”

“What?   I am just trying to help.  You are in your second year now and the sooner you choose a major the sooner you can start taking classes that interest you instead of a bunch of boring general classes.  Also if you want to graduate on time you must choose sooner than later.”

“I know, it’s just, nothing really sounds exciting yet.  I just haven’t had enough time to look at everything.  And besides, not all of my classes are boring.  I’m taking this self-defense class on Thursday nights that sounds like it’s going to be a lot of fun.”

Hanzo stares at his brother for a couple seconds.  “Genji, you are proficient in four different forms of martial arts.  Why are you taking a self-defense class?”

“Well for starters Lú’s in it and he wanted a friend to take it with him so I volunteered.  Also it’s called a GPA booster.”

“A what?”

“A GPA booster.  You know, a really easy class you take to add another A onto your GPA so what you get into the hard classes later on you have a little bit of a cushion if you don’t do so hot.”

“I wouldn’t know, I have a 4.0.”

“Whatever little Miss Perfect,” Genji says but without any heat.  “Anyways, that’s the same reason I signed you up for the archery class on Tuesday afternoons.”

Hanzo chokes on his tea.  “You did what?”

“I signed you up for an archery class.  I saw it in the course catalog when I saw searching for my self-defense class and thought ‘Hey, my brother, who’s amazing at archery, should take this class’.  Come on, don’t give me that look.  You need a fun class as a break from all of you math classes and tutoring sessions.  And don’t say your art classes count because those are for your minor, aka, not a fun class you can fuck around in.”

Hanzo sighs and stares into his tea.  “Genji, you know I cannot take that class.  And besides, I have not picked up my bow since-”

“Since we left Japan, I know.  But brother you shouldn’t give up everything in your life that was remotely connected to our family.  You loved archery and I know you miss it.”

“I- I am sorry Genji, but I just cannot.”

“Please Hanzo, can you at least try it for one day?  For me?”

Hanzo looks up at Genji’s sincere look and starts waging a war within himself.  He knows Genji means well and only wants the best for him but at the same time archery reminds him too much of his old home.  But he was always weak to Genji’s puppy-dog-eyes.

“Fine, I will go to _one_ class.”

Genji laughs victoriously and wraps his brother in a tight hug.  “Thank you, _aniki_.”

 _Oh what did I just agree to,_ Hanzo thinks.

 

* * *

 

This was a mistake.  Hanzo stands in the back of the shooting range, hand clenched tightly onto his bow case, and tries not to have an anxiety attack.  He knows he promised Genji he would go to one class but it’s too much.  Too many memories and too much baggage.  The clock on the wall says 3:59 so if he leaves right now he can avoid any serious disasters.  Unfortunately his escape is cut short when a tall, intimidating, black man with scars and a beanie walks into the room.

“Alright listen up,” the man says.  His voice makes everyone in the room snap to attention and even Hanzo freezes.  A little voice inside his head that sounds suspiciously like his father says _‘Pay attention, this is a man who deserves respect’_.  “The name’s Reyes.  I’m your instructor for this course because apparently owning a shooting range downtown and owing a university administrator a favor makes me the most qualified person for the job.  I have worked with a bow before but I’m no protégé so don’t be expecting to go to the Olympics with what you learn in this class, _comprende_?”

Everyone in the class nods in unison and Hanzo resigns himself to the worst three hours of his life.  Reyes starts going over range safety, something Hanzo has heard a thousand and one times before, so he only half listens while he looks around the class.  Only one other person looks like they’ve shot a bow before and that’s because he has his own bow case with him.  Everyone else looks brand new and like they have no idea what they’re doing. 

“Now, has anyone actually shot a bow before?”  Reyes asks.  Almost everyone in the class raises their hand.  “Has anyone shot one more than when they learned at summer camp when they were ten years old?” he asks again.  All but two hands go down, Hanzo’s and the other guy’s.  “You two, step up.”

Hanzo swallows down his anxiety and follows the other guy to the front of the room.

“Names?” Reyes asks.

“Hanzo Shimada,” Hanzo says with a small bow.

“Byron Seal.” Byron’s voice drips with pretentiousness, like he has any reason to have that attitude in a college PE course.  Hanzo barely keeps himself from rolling his eyes.

“Alright, I want to see what you two got.  I’m assuming you two know proper range etiquette?”

Both men nod and step up to the firing lanes with one lane separating them.  Hanzo watches Byron pull out a quiver of arrows and a sleek, black, compound bow; high end and very expensive by the looks of it.  Byron shoots Hanzo a smug look before shooting five arrows into the target.  He’s decent, Hanzo will admit.  All of his arrows land in the red and yellow circles, but he’s seen better.  Byron shoots him another smug look that says ‘try to do better’.  This time Hanzo does roll his eyes.  He doesn’t have time for whatever rivalry Byron seems to want to start especially since he is planning on dropping the class as soon as he gets home.

Hanzo opens his bow case and takes a deep breath.  Even after all these years, after everything, the custom made recurve bow is absolutely stunning.  He takes a moment to run his fingers over it before pulling it out.  The last time he touched it was last night to restring it and calibrate it, the last time before that was when he packing it away the day before he left Japan.  Despite the fallout, he couldn’t bear to part with the bow, even if he couldn’t stand to look at it.  Hanzo straps his quiver to his thigh and pulls out the first arrow.  The motions come back to him as easily as breathing and before he knows it five arrows are imbedded in the center yellow rings of the target.  The spread is a little wider than how he usually shoots but it has been a couple years.

Genji was right, he did miss this. 

Hanzo goes to collect his arrows with Byron stomping angrily behind him.  When he gets back to the firing line Reyes is setting up the rest of the class in shooting lanes with generic bows the university must have bought for the class.  Hanzo ignores all of this and instead falls back into the soothing rhythm of shooting his bow.

Before he knows it the three hours have passed and Reyes is ushering everyone out of the shooting range until only he and Reyes are left.

“Great shooting there, Shimada.  I’m impressed, and that’s not an easy thing to achieve.”

“Thank you Mister Reyes.”

“Please, just Reyes.  Mister Reyes makes me sound like I’m eighty fucking years old.”

“My apologies.”

“You know, I got a shooting team at my range downtown.  You should think of joining.  We got a couple other archery guys but none as good as you and you would do really well at competitions.”

Hanzo freezes.  He can’t compete again.  Taking a one credit college class is one thing, but competing?  He can’t go back into the world of competitive archery.  That’s too much.

“Thank you for the offer, but I am afraid I must decline.”

“Think on it overnight before you make a decision.  How about you come down to the range this Saturday and see our facilities before you make up your mind.”

Hanzo bites his lip while he tries to decide what to do.  The part of him that missed archery wins his internal argument.

“Very well, I will visit your range before I decide.”

“Great, here’s my card.  The address is at the bottom.”

Reyes hands him a back business card with white lettering. 

 _Blackwatch Shooting Ranges_ it says along with a website, phone number, and address.  Hanzo pockets the card.

In the meantime, would it be alright if I stayed for a couple more minutes?  I have not practiced in a very long time and it feels good to be doing so again.”

Reyes barks out a laugh.  “Really?  Could have fooled me kid.  But yea, you can stay.  I got to clean up the back room so you can stay until I’m done, but then I got to lock everything up.”

“I understand, thank you.”

Hanzo starts firing again and tunes out the outside world once more.  Back when he still had the whole family breathing down his neck, archery was his only escape from the stress.  He would spend hours firing arrow after arrow until he couldn’t draw the bow properly anymore.  The best part was that no one would bother him because he was technically training.

The sound of heavy footsteps breaks his concentration and Hanzo turns around to find a familiar face walking towards him.  Jesse McCree looks just like the first day Hanzo saw him, apparently the biker aesthetic was not just a one-time choice.  His boots click on the tile with every step and his leather jacket frames his shoulders well.

McCree stops right in front of Hanzo and leans against the firing stall.

“Howdy, yer in Doctor Lodge’s U.S. gov. class, right?”  McCree asks with another thousand- watt smile.

Hanzo’s brain stops.  Is that his real voice?  Because it’s is as smooth a honey and as rich as chocolate.  Hanzo would listen to McCree recite the phone book if it meant hearing more of his voice.  Hanzo then scowls for half a second while he wonders where all these thoughts are coming from. 

He quickly pulls his face back into a cordial expression.  “Yes, Hanzo Shimada.”

“Nice ta meet’cha, Hanzo.  Jesse McCree, though ya already knew that, didn’t ya,” McCree says with a chuckle.  He looks down the range to the targets Hanzo was shooting at and whistles.  “Wow, you do that?”

“Yes, I was just getting a little more practice before I left.”

“Don’t know what ya need practice for cuz’ that’s some impressive shootin’.”

Hanzo smirks and preens under the compliment.  Instead of responding, he takes the opportunity to show off a little.  He pulls out his last three arrows and nocks them all at once.  This Robin Hood trick is one he’s been able to pull off for years, even while somewhat drunk.  He used it all the time back in Japan to show off.  Hanzo fires and all three arrows hit the center ring of three targets. 

McCree whistles again and Hanzo finds a thoroughly impressed look on his face.  “Pretty handy with that bow.”

“Thank you,” Hanzo says before he goes to collect his arrows.

“Oh!” McCree slaps his forehead.  “I almost forgot my reason for comin’ down here.  Is Gabe around?”

“Gabe?”

“Right, I forgot that he’s still tryin’ ta pull his whole ‘I’m-big-and-imtimidatin’-so-I’m-gonna-make-everyone-call-me-by-my-last-name’ routine.”  McCree leans in and almost whispers conspiratorially, “Secretly, Reyes is jus’ a big teddy bear underneath.  But ya didn’t hear that from me.”

“Spreading lies about me again, ingrate?” Reyes says as he emerges from the back.

“Gabe, I have never told a lie in my life,” Jesse says in a mock offended tone.

“Yea, whatever.  What are you doing down here, _mijo_?”

“Jus’ wanted ta let ya know that I’m coverin’ a shift for Fareeha at work tonight so I’m gonna have ta miss dinner.  Can ya tell Jack I’m sorry for missin’?”

“Yea, because you’re _so_ heartbroken about missing his cooking.  Just make sure you don’t miss dinner on Friday, Ana won’t be so forgiving.”

“Ana can actually cook, wouldn’t miss her food for the world,” McCree says as he starts walking out of the room backwards.  “I’ll let ya know when I get back ta my apartment tonight.  It was nice meetin’ ya Hanzo.  See ya in class tomorrow.”

McCree leaves and Hanzo watches him walk out with a curious look.  The biker certainly is an interesting character.

“Hey, I’m done in the back so I got to lock everything up now,” Reyes says.

“Of course, I will pack up and be out of here promptly.”

“No rush, Shimada.”

Hanzo quickly packs up his bow and quiver full of arrows and follows Reyes out of the range. 

“Look forward to seeing you on Saturday.  I’ll be there all day so drop by anytime.”

“Will do, thank you Reyes.”

Reyes flicks the hood of his jacket over his head and walks off with a half wave.  Hanzo waves back before walking back to his car.

 

* * *

 

“Thank you, Genji,” Hanzo says at home later that night when Genji’s watching a movie and he’s working on some homework.  “I did miss it.”

“You’re welcome.  Does this mean you’re going back next week?”

“The instructor wants me to join his shooting team at his gun range.  I am going to check out the facilities on Saturday.”

“That’s great, _aniki_!  I’m so proud of you.”

Hanzo smiles then returns to his homework, letting a comfortable silence fall over them.

 

* * *

 

On Saturday Hanzo finds himself sitting in his car in front of Blackwatch Shooting Ranges.  Over the past week he nearly talked himself out of doing this six times.  The only things that kept him from doing so was Genji’s excitement about him going, and the fact that on Friday McCree told him he also trains there and was excited to see him join the team.  Sure enough, he sees McCree’s motorcycle sitting in front of the building.

Hanzo swallows his uncertainty down and gets out of his car before he can talk himself out of this.  

Inside, there's no one sitting behind the front desk so he stands there awkwardly fidilng with his phone and looking around.  It's obvious Reyes takes pride in his business.  Everything is sparkling clean, precisely ordered, and meticulously arranged from the small selection of merchandise to the trophy cases full of pictures and awards.  Hanzo walks over there to get a better look.

Reyes is in all the pictures, usually accompanied by a middle eastern woman with an eye tattoo and a hijab, and sometimes joined by a Captain America looking blond man.  McCree shows up in the more recent photos standing right next to Reyes.  In the earliest photos he looks about 16 years old and wears a scowl, but in the more recent ones he has a wide smile.  

“Oh hey, Shimada.  How long have you been here?”

Hanzo spins around and sees Reyes enter the room from a door in the back.

“Greetings, I just arrived a couple minutes ago.  There was no one at the front desk so I did not know what to do…” Hanzo trails off.

Reyes walks over to the desk and picks up a sticky note.  “Damn it, Sombra,” he growls under his breath.

“Is there a problem?”

“What? No, just accepting that fact that I’m probably going to be getting a visit from the police very shortly, again.  Don’t worry, happens at least once a month, usually more.  Anyways, let me show you around.”

Hanzo just nods, bewildered look on his face.  Reyes looks completely unfazed by this news.  They both go back through the door Reyes walked through and enter a long hallway.  There are more pictures but they walk too fast to look at them.  Instead he follows him through the last door into a very nice archery range.  A couple of people are already practicing in there who Reyes introduces him to.  They’re very nice and welcoming and Hanzo can see himself fitting in here easily, almost too easily a small part of his brain yells at him.  

Reyes shows him the rest of the range and introduces him to some of the other people on the shooting team, though a certain motorcycle riding, history TA is noticeably absent.  Hanzo tries to nonchalantly ask where he is, but something tells him Reyes doesn’t quite believe him.

“Oh, Jesse’s out at our long distance range up by my cabin with the other snipers and Ana, our sniping coach,” he says as they walk back to the front room.

“I was under the impression he was a short range shooter.”

“He is, but his aim is too good not to snipe, at least that's what Ana says.  He doesn't like it as much but there's no saying ‘no’ to that woman.”

“Oh, okay.”

“You know, he's mentioned you a couple times this past week.”

“He has?”

“Yea, won’t shut up about how good your aim is.”

Hanzo preens with the compliment, though he’s not sure why.  He heard the same thing a million times back in Japan. 

The front desk is still empty when they get back.  

“So, what do you think?” Reyes asks.

“You have very nice facilities, and the team is very professional.”

“Thank you, but I was asking about what you think about joining.”

“I-” Hanzo froze.  One voice in his head is screaming at him to leave and never come back, to not get attached, that this is a bad idea.  But another voice in his head -that sounds suspiciously like Genji- is telling him to do it, to do something that he's good at and that he loves.  

“I know this is kinda forward, and I don't want to pressure you into anything, but I have a feeling this would be good for both of us.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Call it an old soldier’s intuition.”

Hanzo finally makes up his mind.  “When can I start practicing?”

Reyes gives him a crooked grin and sticks his hand out.  Hanzo returns the handshake.

“Welcome aboard, Shimada.”

 

* * *

 

The next two weeks of classes are some of the most enjoyable weeks of Hanzo’s college career.  His classes, despite their high level, are easy thanks to his reading ahead in the book.  He found a cafe in midtown that serves strong coffee and an actually decent cup of sencha.  And to top it off, he’s in the beginning stages of forming a friendship with one Jesse McCree.  They talk for a couple minutes before and after every class and when they’re both at Blackwatch.  He even stopped by Hanzo’s study table a couple times, not that Amélie and Satya were thrilled by that and by how much he talked.

He finds out that McCree is a criminal justice major with a minor in journalism that he more or less picked up by accident, that his bike is his only mode of transportation and he loves it like that, that he’s a senior and less than a year younger than Hanzo, that he’s funny and an excellent storyteller and that’s hampering Hanzo’s focus when he’s trying to study, but at the same time it doesn’t bother him as much as it should.  McCree is loud and a little brash, but Hanzo genuinely likes him as a person.

Between that, his easy classes, and picking archery back up, Hanzo feels like he’s in control of his life for once and he’s happy with where it is.

Of course that’s when Murphy’s Law had to come into effect.

He doesn’t remember how the fight with Genji started, only that it ended with Hanzo storming out, all but throwing himself into his car and driving off.  He gets a few blocks before he realizes he has no idea where he’s going.  He considers going to Blackwatch to blow off some steam but he left without his bow, and he’s not really in the mood to go to the library.  He would go to Amélie’s or Satya’s apartments but Amélie is at rehearsal and Satya threatened the life of anyone that disturbed her while she was starting her senior project.

That’s when Hanzo saw the bar.  Normally he would never set foot in there, let alone on a Thursday, but he had run out of fucks for the night and he could use a drink.  He quickly parks his car and walks into the bar.  He finds an empty stool at the end of the bar and throws down his ID and a couple bills onto the countertop before burying his face into his hands.

“Vodka, please,” Hanzo says when he senses the bartender stop in front of him, knowing the chances of the bar having good sake.

“Really?  Too tough of a day ta even say ‘hello’?” says the bartender in a strangely familiar drawl.  Hanzo looks up, ready to give the bartender a deadly glare that says ‘I’m not in the mood’, but freezes when he finds himself staring at McCree.  

McCree has a smile on his face, meaning he wasn’t really offended, just teasing, and an expectant look on his face.  Hanzo realizes he forgot to answer which snaps him out of his surprise.  

“McCree, sorry, hello.  I did not realize you work here.”

“Only since I started college.  Need ta pay rent somehow.  Now, do ya care what brand or do ya jus’ want any ol’ vodka?”

“I do not care.”

McCree pours Hanzo his drink but does not leave.  “Somethin’ on yer mind, partner?”

Hanzo sighs then downs his drink in one swallow, hissing slightly at the bite.  “Genji, my brother, and I had a fight.  A very big fight.”

“Ouch, sorry ta hear that.”  Hanzo slides his glass over for a refill.  He was only going to have one drink, but another wouldn’t hurt.  And he has plenty of time to sober up before driving back home.  He sips on this drink a little slower.

“I do not even remember what it was initially about, but he compared me to our father.  Said I sounded just like him.”

“I’m gonna go out on a limb and say you an’ yer pops don’t get along.”

“That would be a kind way of putting it.”

“Well then, fuck yer brother.”

“I… am not completely blameless.  I said some harsh things in return.”  Hanzo goes to take another sip but sighs when he finds his glass empty once again.

“Wanna refill on that?”

Hanzo debates that for a moment before relenting and sliding his glass over again.  What’s one more drink?  

That one more drink quickly turns into two, then three, then five.  It’s not his fault that it’s so easy to talk to McCree and that the man’s such a good listener.  Hanzo quickly loses track of time and drinks, rambling on to a man he barely considers his friend.  

That is, until everything goes black.

When Hanzo wakes up the next morning he discovers three important facts.  One: his pants are missing.  Two: he isn’t in his apartment.  Three: he is hungover as fuck.  He tries to sit up but doesn’t get very far before the room starts spinning and his stomach threatens to rebel.  He falls back down with a groan and drags the blanket that the owner of the apartment graciously gave him over his head.

“Mornin’ sleepin’ beauty.”  Hanzo pulls the blanket back down and freezes.  McCree stands in front of him, shirtless, and sipping coffee from a mug.  Not a bad view, but that comes with the realization of two more facts.  One: this is Jesse McCree’s apartment.  Two: he got drunk enough to blackout in front of McCree which probably means he just made a fool of himself in front of someone he actually wants to become friends with.  Hanzo groans again and tries to disappear into the couch.  Jesse laughs, usually a nice sound, but right now it just sounds like a five-alarm bell going off in Hanzo’s head. 

“Don’t worry, Hanzo.  Ya didn’t do anything too embarrassing,” McCree says, like he can read Hanzo’s mind.  “All ya did was rant ‘bout yer brother and some other things, but ain’t sure what ‘cuz ya switched to Japanese, and play some truly impressive rounds of darts.  Seriously, I ain’t seen anyone hit so many bullseyes when they were three sheets ta the wind.”

“What else happened?  And where are my pants?” Hanzo croaks.  His voice is scratchy and his mouth feels like it’s full of cotton but he has to know what the damage is.

“Well, ya made it ta closin’ time, which is when I finished workin’, so I decided ta take ya home but ya passed out before I could get yer address so I jus’ took ya ta my place.”

Hanzo glares at him.  “You drove me here on your motorcycle?”

McCree laughs.  “No, no, I’d never try that.  I drove yer car, I hope that’s okay.”

“That’s fine, thank you.  But where are my pants.”

“Oh, right.  Ya spilled one of yer drinks on them and decided ya didn’t like that.  Ya took ‘em off in yer car right before ya passed out.  Luckily it was late enough that no one saw ya when I carried ya up here.  They’re bein’ washed right now.  They’re probably done by now, in fact.”

Hanzo sighs and allows himself to relax a little now that all those mysteries have been solved, only to bolt straight up when he realizes what day it is.  Pain and nausea threaten to overcome him and he clutches his head.

“Whoa, whoa, careful there.  It yer gonna hurl please do it in here,” McCree shoves a trash bin into Hanzo’s hands.  “Now, what’s got’cha worried?”

Hanzo takes a few deep breaths until it no longer feels like he’s going to throw up. 

“I have classes today and homework to turn in, including the first piece of my senior portfolio.  And all of my stuff is in my apartment which means I have to deal with my brother as well.”

“Yeaaaa, in my humble opinion, I don’t think you’ll be able ta do that with that hangover of yers.  And it sounds like ya still need a lil’ more time away from yer brother.  If ya want, you can stay here, sleep off that hangover or whatever, and I can turn in yer homework or pass them along ta yer friends on my way ta my classes.”

“You would do that for me?”

“Of course, I mean, yer my friend after all.”

Hanzo is speechless for a couple seconds.  No one has ever offered to help him like this before; it’s strange but nice at the same time.  And McCree just called them friends.

“T-thank you,” he finally manages to say.

After Hanzo finds his phone he arranges for McCree to meet Satya at his apartment since she has a key and for him to give her his math homework.  He then calls up a friend from his art class to get his painting from McCree and turn it in. McCree gets dressed in the meantime and brings Hanzo his pants before heading out with the promise of returning at lunch time with the perfect post-hangover food.  Hanzo then takes the opportunity to pass the fuck out.

The next time Hanzo wakes up is to the sound of the door closing and a voice that certainly doesn’t belong to McCree asking, “Who the fuck are you?”  Hanzo forces his eyes to open and focus on the person in front of him.  A latina woman with purple hair and a serious undercut –wait, mohawk?- stares down at him with a glare on her face.

“Who the fuck are you?” Hanzo so eloquently parrots.

“I asked you first, stranger sleeping on my bed.”

“This is a couch.”

“And?  Your point?”

Hanzo just sighs in exasperation.  He doesn’t have the energy to debate this right now.

“I am Hanzo, a friend of McCree’s.”

“Wait, you wouldn’t happen to be Hanzo the archer that Gabe and Jesse won’t shut up about, would you?”

“I do not know anyone else named Hanzo so I guess so.”

“Oh, cool… I thought you would be taller.”

“I am lying down, how can you tell how tall I am?”

“I just can.  Now, when is Jesse coming back and is he bringing food ‘cuz his fridge is completely empty,” the woman –who still hasn’t given her name- says as she walks over to the kitchen and throws open the fridge.

Hanzo pulls on his pants and walks over to the kitchen.  He feels immensely better than he did a couple hours ago, but he still has a lingering headache and his stomach is now growling for food.  The woman passes him a glass of water which he accepts graciously before draining.

“He said he would be back around lunch time with food.”

“Well it’s lunch time and the asshole’s not here.”

“I am sure he will be here soon.  Who are you by the way?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” she says cryptically, which only increases Hanzo’s confusion at this whole turn of events.

Luckily, the front door slams open and McCree finally walks in.

“Hey Hanzo, glad ta see yer feelin’ better.”

“Yes, much better.  Umm, you have a guest.”

“Hey asshole, where’s the food?” the woman says.

“Nice to see ya too Som.  Here, before ya decide ta hack my phone and make it play The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly every time I unlock it.”

“Ooh, that’s a good idea, I might do it anyways.”

Jesse groans and hands Hanzo his food, a burger and a milkshake from a fast food joint Hanzo’s never heard of before.

“Sorry I’m late.  My friend, Fareeha, had some free time ta drive me back ta the bar ta get my bike so I went there first.  But here ya go.  Trust me, you’ll feel great after eatin’ this.  Best burger in the city.  I’m assumin’ you two have been introduced by now?”

“Not exactly,” Hanzo says before he bites into his burger.  He full out moans at the taste.  This is the best burger he’s ever had and usually he hates them.

“Seriously Som, still goin’ with the whole mystery hacker routine?”

“I’ve got a reputation to uphold.  And this coming from the guy who had a cowboy phase, when he was eighteen.”

“I didn’t-” Jesse whips around to Hanzo to defend himself, “I didn’t have a cowboy phase.  We spent a summer at Jack’s family farm and I jus’ dressed the part.”

“I bet you still have that cowboy hat hidden around here someone,” Som says like she’s already thinking of where to look first.

McCree lets out a long sigh and runs his hands down his face.

“Anyways, Hanzo, this is Sombra, my sister-”

“Adoptive sister!”

“-Adoptive sister, ‘cuz bein’ related ta me is apparently so terrible, who sometimes crashes on my couch for a couple weeks before disappearing to god knows where.”

Hanzo recognizes the name from the first time he went to Blackwatch.  “Pleasure to meet you, Sombra.”

“So, are ya feelin’ good enough ta head home?  Not that I’m kickin’ ya out or anything, I jus’ figured ya might want ta go home by now.”

“Yes, I need some clean clothes and a shower.  And I should probably get out of your hair, I’ve been enough of an inconvenience today.”

“Nah, ya weren’t an inconvenience.  Honestly, you were probably the easiest drunk I’ve had to take care of.”

“So you do this often then?”

McCree laughs.  “Naw, jus’ for my friends.”

Right, McCree says they’re friends.  It shocks Hanzo almost as much as the first time he said so this morning, but it must be true if he’s said so twice.

Hanzo finishes his food and finds all of his stuff.  McCree walks him to his car, making easy conversation on the way.

“Thank you again, McCree,” Hanzo says as he climbs into his car.

“It ain’t no problem.  Hey, let me see yer phone real quick.”

Hanzo hands his phone over with a questioning look.  McCree fiddles with it for a second before handing it back.

“There, now ya have my number in case ya need a place to crash again.”

“Thank you,” Hanzo says with a smile.

McCree watches him drive off until Hanzo can no longer see him in the rearview mirror.  The good mood stays with him all the way until he pulls up to his apartment building.  As much as he doesn’t want to, he needs to apologize to Genji and set things right.  He takes a deep breath to galvanize himself and heads up to their apartment.  He opens the door and finds Genji sitting on the couch, waiting for him.  They make eye contact for a couple seconds, a silent standoff.  Genji breaks it by holding up his peace offering, a warm cup of tea.  Hanzo smiles and sits down next to his brother taking the cup.  The tea is perfect, just like when he makes it himself. 

“I’m sorry,” Genji says first.  “I shouldn’t have compared you to father, that was a cheap shot and I knew it.”

“I am sorry too.  I should have backed off sooner and not let it escalate that far.”

“So, are we okay?  I was worried when you didn’t come back last night.”

“Of course we are okay.  I am not going to leave you behind, never again.  As for last night I may have gotten too drunk to drive home so I stayed at a friend’s apartment.”

“You, Shimada Hanzo, got drunk on a Thursday night?” Genji says, laughing.

“It was an accident,” Hanzo says defensively.  “At least McCree said-“

“Wait, you stayed with McCree?”

“Yes… What?  Why are you giving me that look?”

“What look?  I’m not giving you a look, and even if I was giving you a look it’s not important.”

Hanzo glares at him.  “I do not believe you but I am too tired to argue this and I need a shower.”

Hanzo hands his half-empty cup back to Genji and gets up to head to the bathroom.  He stops at the edge of the living room and turns back to his brother.

“Hey… are you busy tonight?”

“I was planning on going to a party at the basketball house tonight, but I can skip that if you’re planning something better.”

“Pacific Rim marathon?”

“I’ll make the popcorn.”

 

* * *

 

In hindsight, Hanzo should have expected this when he joined a competitive shooting team.  But his brain conveniently decided to skip over the ‘competitive’ part and ignore it until a later time.  A time that turns out to be the night before his first archery competition in three years.  Needless to say, Hanzo is a little bit of a mess.

“I cannot do this.  I cannot compete,” Hanzo repeats for the tenth time that night. 

“Why not?  You have been practicing for this for weeks and you have competed before.  How is this any different?” the ever calm and rational Satya asks.  Genji called her over to their apartment as soon as Hanzo had started spiraling. 

“Because- because, what if I’m not good enough?  He never thought I was good enough,” Hanzo finally explains.  It doesn’t take much to figure out that ‘he’ refers to Sojiro Shimada.

“Hanzo,” Amélie says, snapping her fingers right in front of his face to get his attention.  She arrived shortly after Satya.  “Fuck your father and fuck his opinions.  His opinions stopped mattering the day you left home for the last time.  Now pull yourself together because you have to show all those pompous assholes who the best archer is.”

Hanzo stares up at Amélie with a shocked expression and for a second it looks like her blunt speech actually worked.  But then he drops his head into his hands again.  “I cannot do this.”

Amélie throws her hands up in defeat and walks away. 

“I don’t know what to do.  I can’t help him and Satya isn’t doing much better,” she says.

“I think there is one more person we can call that might be able to help,” Genji says.

“Who?”

“McCree.”

“That loud, obnoxious oaf that has been interrupting my study sessions with his motorcycle, inane chatter, and borderline flirting?”

“You mean the first person outside the three of us that Hanzo can actually stand, the first person Hanzo has made friends with in four years, the man that let a blackout drunk Hanzo sleep at his house without question.  Something that Hanzo would normally never let happen, sober or inebriated.”

“And why do you think he can help?”

“Call it a hunch.”

Amélie glares hard at Genji before relenting. 

“Hanzo, give me your phone,” Genji says.  Hanzo gives it up without a fight which shows how anxious he actually is.  Genji fires off a couple of quick texts before throwing his phone back.

Twenty minutes later there’s a knock at the front door.  Satya opens it and lets in McCree.

“Wha-” he begins to say before Satya cuts him off with a point towards Hanzo.  McCree takes off his leather jacket and sits down in front of Hanzo on the coffee table, shifting nervously.

“Uhh, howdy Hanzo.”

Hanzo gives a half wave but that’s it.

“Uh, ya don’t look so good, partner.  What’s up?”

“I cannot- I cannot compete tomorrow.”

“Why not?  I’ve seen ya shoot and it’s damn near perfect.”

“That is it!  It is not perfect and if it is not perfect my father will not be happy.”

“I didn’t realize yer family’s gonna be there.”

Hanzo scoffs.  “Please, they would not even answer a phone call from me after the spectacle I caused the last time I left home let alone travel all the way to America.”

“Then why’re ya worried about him?”

“Because my father has an opinion on everything, especially when it comes to me, and he is going to hear about this and he is going to make sure I know how he feels about it one way or another and he is going to ruin everything about this and I do not want him to ruin this for me and-“

“Whoa, sugar, slow down.  Take a breath,” Jesse cuts off.  Hanzo does as he says and focuses on slowing his heavy breathing.

“I’m gonna be real honest here Han, I don’t know everythin’ that’s going on here so I may not be any help but I’m gonna try. 

“First off, fuck yer family.  I’m guessin’ you left home for a reason an’ if they can’t even be bothered to pick up the phone then fuck them and fuck their opinions.  You’ve been practicin’ way too hard for the concept of yer shitty old man to stop you now.”

“That is exactly what I said!”  Amélie says in the background.  Genji shushes her and she threatens him with murder.

“Secondly,” McCree continues.  “Nobody’s perfect, not even you.  Though yer the closest I’ve ever seen someone come.  But that’s okay because all that matters is that you try your hardest which I know yer gonna do.”

Everything McCree says is pretty much a parrot of what all of Hanzo’s friends have been saying all night, but to Hanzo it’s like he’s hearing it for the first time and he’s finally believing it.  McCree smiles and it’s infectious.  Hanzo can’t help but smile too, even if it’s small and wavers slightly. 

McCree stands up and pulls Hanzo up with him by his shoulders.

“Now, it’s late, and ya need some sleep so you can kick everyone’s asses tomorrow.”

Hanzo nods and wonders why he was ever anxious in the first place.  McCree pulls his jacket back on and turns to face Hanzo one last time.  He cradles Hanzo’s face in his hands and smiles again.  “Yer gonna do great.  I’ll see ya tomorrow.”

Hanzo waves good bye as McCree walks out of the apartment.

“Okay, you may have had a point, Genji,” Amélie says.  “I mean look at his face.”

Hanzo looks at Amélie and frowns.  “What is wrong with my face?”

“Oh nothing, except for the fact that you look like an idiot when you stare at McCree for too long.”

Hanzo slaps his hands over his cheeks and scowls.  Everyone, even Satya, laughs at his vehement denial. 

“That would be our cue to leave,” Amélie says after she calms down.  “Let’s go Satya.  We’ll see you later Hanzo, good luck tomorrow.”

Hanzo mutters out a goodbye and soon enough it’s just him and Genji left.  Genji looks at him with a smile that Hanzo has learned long ago not to trust.

“Do not say-“

“I wasn’t going to!  I was just going to tell you that I’m heading to bed and good luck tomorrow.”

Hanzo stares down Genji for another second before relenting.  “I’ll see you in the morning.  And thank you… for calling all of them over.”

Genji’s smile morphs into something a little more innocent.  “Anything for my brother.”

 

* * *

 

 

Hanzo wakes up the next morning, feels good for about ten seconds, then starts panicking again.  His phone goes off and Hanzo checks it, thinking it’s his alarm going off again.  Instead he’s pleasantly surprised to see it’s a text from McCree.

_[McCree] – 0704am_

_Ur gonna do great today Han.  Remember, stay out of ur head and just have fun. ;P_

_See you in a bit_

Hanzo smiles and realizes that his heart rate settled with that simple text.  He quickly moves on from that thought and gets dressed in his uniform for the competition before he can analyze why that is.  He walks out of his room a few minutes later and is pleasantly surprised when he sees Genji in the kitchen, breakfast already made and snacks packed for later.  He may be a little demon most of the time, but he’s always been there for Hanzo when it counts. 

Genji tells him good luck and makes him promise to keep him updated throughout the day.  He would have come out to watch but he had already made plans to hang out with his best friend, Zenyatta.  Besides, Hanzo’s not sure he could handle having Genji watch him from the stands just yet.

Hanzo drives to Blackwatch Shooting Ranges and meets up with the rest of the team.  Reyes goes over final details and wishes everyone luck.  When McCree comes around to say good luck he surprises Hanzo with a hug.  It isn’t unwelcome, and McCree may hold on a little longer than strictly necessary, but Hanzo certainly doesn’t complain.

Reyes’ Captain America looking friend and partner, Jack Morrison, ends up accompanying Hanzo to his competition.  The same Jack that McCree has mentioned in the past and the same Jack Morrison that is the chairman of the History Department at their university.  He doesn’t know a single thing about archery but technically Hanzo has to have a coach with him and honesty he doesn’t mind the company.  Even if said company is slightly grouchy and only speaks in short sentences. 

Getting to the competition and checking in is easier than expected.  Before he realizes it, Hanzo finds himself falling into old routines.  His headphones are in, playing calming electronic beats, he responds to questions with short answers as to not break his focus, he changes into his uniform quickly but methodically, and finally he inspects his bow with the utmost care and concentration.  Nothing breaks his pattern or his focus, not even seeing Byron what’s-his-name from archery class when Hanzo goes to warm up.

When he steps up to the firing lane to shoot his first warm up arrow, he freezes.  The anxiety that had been lying low all morning comes rearing back and locks all of his muscles up.  For a second he can do nothing but stand there and stare down the length of the arrow at the target.  But then he remembers McCree’s words.  Hanzo takes a deep breath, relaxes, and fires.  The arrow hits dead center and he smiles.

He’s ready.

 

* * *

 

“To a great first competition of the season.  Cheers!”  Reyes says as he holds his beer up.  A chorus of ‘cheers’ and the clinking of glasses follow as the Blackwatch team celebrates the competition. 

To say everyone had good results would be an understatement.  Most of the team placed in the top eight of their events and those that didn’t still got new personal best scores.  Hanzo is no exception.  Despite his little meltdown and subsequent pick-me-up last night, he still came out on top and won his first competition in years.  Now, he’s riding a high from the victory aided by the cider he’s sipping on.

Hanzo almost forgot how good winning felt.  Feeling the whole world narrow down to the target and his bow, blocking out everything except for the rhythm of his heartbeat and breathing, letting the arrow loose and watching it rush forward right into the middle of the bullseye, and repeating that over and over again until there was no question as to who would be victorious.  His score hadn’t been perfect but right now, he can’t find the energy to care.

“Hanzo! Han!”

Hanzo turns around from the bar he’s sitting at just in time to catch McCree before he stumbles and falls straight into him.  McCree only has a bottle of beer in his hand but Hanzo remembers the many, many shots he saw him do earlier.   Looks like they finally caught up to him.

McCree did very well today too.  He had a long distance sniping competition today and had gotten second place.  Although, he apparently almost didn’t because teammates told Hanzo that he almost missed his competition due to checking his phone constantly, waiting on updates from the archery competition.

“Hanners!” Hanzo cocks his eyebrow at that nickname, but McCree just barrels on.  “You did amazing today!  I told you you would do amazing and I was right.  You were like Legolas or Hawkeye or- or- who’s another really cool bow and arrow guy?”

“McCree you have had way too much to drink.”

“That's the point of a party!  Have you never been to a party?”

“I have but I am usually designated driver, hence my first and only drink of the night.”

“Aww yer no fun.”

“Yes, because not dying in a car crash is not fun.”

McCree goes silent for a second and ponders that.  “Ya gotta point there.”  Hanzo humms in satisfaction.  “Hey Hanzo, you're really cool, you know that, right?”

“Umm, no.  But thank you?”

“I was thinking, we should go out and get some food together.  Ya know, like a-”

“Like a what, McCree?” Hanzo asks after McCree cuts off, obviously distracted by something.  The amazing attention span of a drunk.

“Hold that thought.  Gabe’s waving me over and I better see what he wants before he makes me do yard work or some such bullshit with a hangover tomorrow.”  Jesse is off, weaving across the bar, before Hanzo can say bye.

“You must be pretty special for Jesse to consider you his friend so quickly.”  Hanzo spins around to look at the bartender who spoke.  She’s tall, solidly built, and has a tattoo under her right eye.

“Sorry?”

“Jesse doesn’t make friends quickly.  Sure he has acquaintances and classmates and teammates but becoming his friend is a whole other thing.  I mean, it took him two months for him just to say a single word to me when we first met and almost a whole year to hang out with me willingly, and I’m practically family.  You on the other hand he met like what, a month ago and he’s already talking with you like you guys grew up together and making plans to hang out.”

“I thought that was how he is with all of his friends.”

“Would have made all our lives easier, and more boring, if that was the case.  I'm Fareeha by the way.”

“Hanzo.  Pleasure to meet you.”

Fareeha is surprisingly nice to talk with.  She’s straight to the point and has the same dry, cutting humor as Hanzo.  She has to keep leaving to go make the other patrons drinks but always comes back with a new topic of conversation.  One of her favorite things to talk about seems to be embarrassing stories about McCree.

Hanzo ends up staying at the bar much later than he was planning.  Initially he was just going to get a drink, make the congratulatory rounds, then sneak out an hour later.  He definitely wasn’t planning on staying until close or discussing with Fareeha what do to with a heavily intoxicated, barely conscious, McCree.

“I still have to clean up and that’s gonna be another hour at least,” Fareeha says.  “I can call him a cab but I don’t know how he’ll get into his apartment in this state.”

“I’m your huckleberry!” McCree says, before finally passing out and nearly face planting into the table he’s sitting at.

“There he goes.”

Hanzo knows he will probably somehow regret this decision but he speaks up anyways.

“I can take him home.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, I will be returning a favor anyways.”  Hanzo wraps one of McCree’s arms behind his neck and pulls him up.  “Please pull up his address on his phone.”

“Yea taking him home is gonna be a no go,” Fareeha says as she looks down at his phone.  “Sombra apparently has someone over and is kicking Jesse out of his apartment for the night.  Can she even do that?  It’s his apartment.”

“It is Sombra.”  Hanzo sighs and hoists McCree back up onto his shoulder from where he was falling off.  Fareeha shrugs in agreement.

“Line ‘em up!” McCree mumbles before passing out again.

“Fine, I'll just take him to my apartment for the night.  He should probably have someone nearby just in case.”

“Oh thank god, I have to get up early tomorrow and really don't have the time to take care of a drunk Jesse.”

Fareeha helps shove McCree into the back of Hanzo’s car and waves him off.  McCree wakes up on the drive back and mumbles some nonsense.  They make it back to Hanzo’s without McCree throwing up and up the stairs with minimal cursing.  By the time Hanzo unlocks the door and hip checks it open all he wants to do is throw McCree on the couch then fall into bed. 

Instead he gets scared half to death.

“Hanzo!  Do you have any idea what time it is?”  Hanzo jumps and nearly drops McCree.  Genji is sitting on their couch next to Lúcio with a devilish smirk on his face and the TV on in the background.  Lúcio looks like an angel as always.  “Your father and I were very worried.”

“ _Oh so you are finally admitting you two are in a relationship?  When did you ask him out?”_ Hanzo says in Japanese.  Genji startles and stammers.

“ _What? I- no- stop changing the subject!_ ”

Hanzo switched back into English, “Then get your ass of that couch and go find the extra pillows and blankets.  Lúcio, it is very nice to see you again, can you please grab a glass of water from the kitchen?”

“Yea, no problem man.  It’s nice to see you too.  Who’s your friend there?”

“Hanzo?” McCree slurs.  “Where am I?”

“This would be McCree.  We are in my apartment, McCree.  Sit down here and drink this water.”  Hanzo drops McCree onto the couch and helps him take a sip without spilling it.  Genji walks back in with a stack of blankets and pillows in his arms.

“I’ve never been to your apartment before.”

“You were here yesterday.  Finish your water.”

“You’re not gonna kill me, are ya?”

“Why would I kill you?”

“Because ya brought me somewhere I’ve never been before.  No one would ever think to look for me here.”

Hanzo groans and pinches the bridge of his nose right above his piercing.  He is way too tired to do this right now.

“McCree, you have been here before and no I am not going to murder you in my own house, I want my security deposit back eventually.”  Hanzo’s voice drops low to just above a whisper, “Besides, I am much too fond of you to do so.”

“Cool.  I’m fond of you too Hanners.”

McCree tips sideways and falls onto the pillows fast asleep.  Hanzo stands there in confused silence for a second before shaking off the surprise and pulling a blanket over him.  He turns around and see’s Genji standing there with another impish smile.

“Not.  A.  Word.”  Hanzo says with a jab of his finger.  “I will see you in the morning.  Good night.”

Hanzo storms off to his room and shuts the door.  He changes into his sleep wear and falls into bed, falling asleep almost instantly. 

Hanzo wakes up early the next morning.  Too many days of waking up for classes and training makes it impossible for him to sleep in no matter how late he goes to bed or how tired he is.  When he walks into the living room, Genji and Lúcio are nowhere to be seen and McCree is still passed out on the couch.  Hanzo closes the curtains he forgot to last night and heads to the kitchen to make some breakfast. 

Genji walks in bleary eyed when Hanzo’s about halfway done.

“Good morning,” Hanzo says.

“Morning,” Genji mumbles.  Hanzo hands him a cup of coffee which he gladly accepts.

“So,” Genji says after a couple sips.  “McCree.  On our couch.  Is there something you’d like to tell me?”

“He needed a place to crash; that is all.  Is there something you want to tell me?  I saw how close you and Lúcio were sitting last night.”

“I already told you, we aren’t dating.”

“And why not?  You obviously like him.”

“Yea but, I don’t know if he likes me that much.”

Hanzo stares Genji down with an incredulous look.  “…He was watching terrible Japanese movies with you at two am on a Saturday night.  He could have been at any party he wanted to but he was here with you.  It is pretty obvious how he feels, idiot.”

Genji looks at Hanzo like he just revealed the secrets of the universe and after a long minute simply says ‘oh’. 

Eventually Lúcio (who apparently stayed the night, causing Hanzo to send Genji another incredulous look) makes an appearance just in time for breakfast.  McCree does not and continues to snore on the couch.  When they finish eating Genji asks Lúcio to go on a walk with him.  Hanzo wishes his brother luck and watches them leave the apartment.  He goes on to clean the dishes, set the leftover food in the fridge for McCree –if he ever decides to wake up-, find his bottle of pain and headache relievers, set them on the coffee table with some water, and finally set up a work space at the dining table to get a start on his next portfolio piece.

Hanzo gets so absorbed in his work that he doesn’t notice the hours pass.  He also doesn’t notice McCree wake up until an earbud gets pulled out a deep voice says ‘hey’ right next to him.  Hanzo jumps in his seat and nearly punches McCree in the jaw until he realizes who it is.

“Hey, hey, it’s jus’ me.”

Hanzo sighs and relaxes his arm.  “Please, do not scare me like that when I am working.”

“Sorry, I did try callin’ yer name but ya obviously didn’t hear me.  Didn’t think gettin’ yer attention like that would be a bad idea until about ten seconds ago.  What’s that yer drawin’ there anyways?”

“Oh, it is hopefully the next piece for my senior portfolio but I am not sure how I feel about it yet.”

“Well, whatever ya choose, it still looks amazing.  Ya got some real talent.”

Hanzo quickly turns back to his computer when he feels his face start to heat up for some reason.  “T-thank you.”

“Anyways, I just wanted to let ya know that I texted Lena, another friend of mine, and she’s on her way to pick me up so I can get back to my apartment.”

“Oh, I could have taken you home.”

“Nah, yer busy and I’ve already imposed enough.  Besides, I gotta English project I gotta work on with her so it works out.  Two birds with one stone and all’a that.”

“Alright, until then there are leftovers from breakfast in the fridge.  Feel free to help yourself to them.”

“Don’t mind if I do.”  McCree gives him a jaunty salute and makes his way to the kitchen.  He makes a cry of success and brings the food back over to the table Hanzo is working at.

“Ya don’t mind, do ya?”

“No, go right ahead.”

McCree sits down and digs into the food.  The distraction is actually a welcome break for Hanzo.  They make small talk and share funny stories about their siblings and all too soon McCree’s phone goes off again.

“Welp, Lena’s here so I’ll get out’a yer hair now.”

“I assure you, it was no problem.”

Hanzo walks McCree down to the street where he finds a brown haired woman waving frantically from her car.  She rolls down the window and starts talking a mile a minute, far too fast for Hanzo to keep up.  McCree just laughs and starts backpedaling to the car.

“Thanks again Hanzo.  I’ll see ya on Monday.”

Hanzo waves them off before walking back to his apartment.

 

* * *

 

Hanzo looks down at his phone for the fifth time in as many minutes.  Genji is late, as per usual, and of course that leaves Hanzo sitting alone at the café looking like an idiot.  He incorrectly assumed that his dear younger brother would arrive on time for a lunch that he scheduled himself but of course Genji had to go prove him wrong yet again.  That seemed to be one of his favorite things to do. 

Hanzo looks down at his phone one more time and makes to leave when he hears his name being called.  He looks up and finally sees Genji weaving around tables to get to him.

“I was just about to leave,” Hanzo says when Genji finally sits down.

“I know, I’m sorry.  I lost track of time talking to one of my professors.”

“Does that mean you have chosen a major now?”

“Ahhh, no.  But I’m getting closer?”

“You sound so confident.”

“Lay off, asshole,” Genji says, but with no heat.

“Green haired bastard,” Hanzo jokes back.  They give their order to the waitress that comes by and for the first time in as long as Hanzo can remember, Genji doesn’t try to flirt with her.

“So, does this mean things with you and Lúcio are going well?”

“Yea,” Genji says with this dopey look on his face.  “When we went on our walk yesterday I told him how I felt and he told me he felt the same about me.  Who would have thought?”

Hanzo laughs.  “I am happy for you Genji.  He’s far too good a man for you, but hopefully some of that will rub off.”

Hanzo’s phone goes off.  He silences it without looking at it.

“Aren’t you going to answer that?” Genji asks, confused.

“No, whatever it is, it can wait.  I know you want to tell me more about you and Lúcio.”

“Alright, since you insist.  After our passionate declarations of love we just walked around some more until I worked up the courage to actually ask him out on a data.”

“Wait, you did not start with asking him out?  You are absolutely hopeless when you actually like someone.”

“Hey, at least I have a date.  What do you have?  A crush you refuse to acknowledge?”

“I do not have a crush on McCree.”

“I never said anything about McCree,” Genji says smugly.

Hanzo’s phone goes off again but he barely gives it a glance before silencing it again.

“Are you seriously not going to answer that?  It could be an emergency.”

“The only emergencies it could be are you in the hospital, which you obviously are not, Satya or Amélie in the hospital, which they are not because I was texting them ten minutes ago, or one of my group project members having a crisis, with is not a real emergency and can wait until we are done.  Now, we were talking about where you are taking Lúcio on a date.”

“No, we were talking about you being in denial about your gayness for McCree but since we aren’t going to get anywhere with that I’ll gladly talk about my boyfriend.  Anyways, I’m taking him to that Indian place uptown.  You know, the one with the really good masala?”

“Oh yes, the only Indian restaurant the Satya will step foot in.”

“Yea, so we’re going to go there on Thursday night and- will you please answer that!”

Hanzo’s phone is going off for the third time and finally he picks it up to answer it with an annoyed huff, but freezes when he sees the number.

He may have deleted the contact two years ago but the number is still seared into his brain and just seeing it is enough for his heart rate to pick up and for his face to pale.

“Aniki, are you okay?”

“It is father.”

Genji inhales sharply.  Both of them stand up and walk outside knowing this is not going to be a quiet conversation.  Outside, Hanzo takes a deep breath and looks to Genji.  Genji looks back with barely controlled anger and nods.  Hanzo answers the phone and waits for his father’s Japanese to ring out first.

“ _How nice of you to finally pick up_.”  Once upon a time, the steel in Sojiro Shimada’s voice would have cowed Hanzo into immediate obedience.  Nowadays all it does is fuel his anger.

“ _I would say how nice of you to finally call, but I would have preferred if you never did again_ ,” Hanzo snaps back.

“ _That is no way to talk to your father_.”

“ _You are not my father!  You stopped being my father the day mother died_!”  Hanzo’s yells grab the attention of passer-byes and he fights to get his temper under control.

“ _Still not over your rebellious phase I see.  I would have thought you had matured by now and stopped ruining your life.”_

_“Was there a point to this call, or were you just planning on insulting me and wasting my time.”_

_“Like I said, I thought you were done ruining your life.  I heard about your competition last week.  You may have won but that score is unacceptable.”_ Hanzo snorts.  Only his father would call a near perfect score unacceptable.  “ _I have already spoke to Toshiro-Sensei and he has agreed to take you back under his tutelage.”_

Hanzo has an incredulous look on his face.  Genji, who had been pressed up against his brother listening in on the conversation, pulls back and looks at Hanzo with a similar expression.

“ _You think, that just because I take back up a hobby I enjoy, that means I am going back to Japan?  Back to the family?”_ Hanzo says slowly.

_“Yes.  That and the fact that you have bought plane tickets to Hanamura over your winter break.”_

Genji looks at Hanzo in confusion and hurt.  Hanzo hadn’t told him yet about his trip and he feels guilty that he found out this way.

“ _First of all, you had no right to look at my bank account, you should not even be able to do so.  Secondly, if you had paid more attention you would have noticed it is a round trip, I am not staying and I never will.  Lastly, I am only going to visit mother’s grave.  It’s the fifteenth anniversary of her death, or have you conveniently decided to ignore that.”_

_“I loved your mother, I still do.”_

_“A shame that you could not spare any of that love for your sons.  Do not call me again.”_

Hanzo hangs up before Sojiro can get the last word and releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Hey, you okay?” Genji asks as he squeezes Hanzo’s shoulder.

“Yes, thank you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re going to Japan?”  Genji sounds hurt and Hanzo is almost overwhelmed with guilt.  He promised he would never hurt his brother again.

“I was going to, I just did not know how to tell you.  And you made it clear in the past that you never wanted to go back.”

Genji goes silent, thinking hard.  “I think, I would like to go back, for mother.”

“Are you sure?”

“No, but it would be nice.  That is if it’s okay for me to join you.”

Hanzo pulls Genji into a tight hug.  “Of course it is okay.  I would not have it any other way.”

“Thank you,” Genji mumbles.  He pulls away and wipes away a few tears before they can fall.  “Now, can we go eat?  I’m starving.  Also, we are talking about you and McCree.  I won’t let you live in denial any longer!”

Hanzo rolls his eyes and pulls Genji into a headlock this time, making sure to mess up his hair while he furiously tries to escape.  “There is nothing between us and there never will be.  Let us go eat before I throw your ass on the ground.”

 

* * *

 

Hanzo does not have a crush on McCree.  The man is just a friend, nothing more.  It doesn’t matter that they’ve only known each other for just over a month, yet Hanzo texts him almost more than Amélie and Satya.  That’s just because McCree helps him in their history class every once in a while and they’re teammates. 

And that’s why Hanzo wakes up at 5:30 am on a Saturday morning to go watch one of McCree’s competitions- because they’re teammates and friends, nothing more.  And why at the competition Hanzo makes sure to get the best seat to watch and cheer McCree on.  And why when McCree wins he doesn’t complain when then congratulatory handshake gets turned into a half hug and a photo op.

McCree’s just a good friend and Hanzo most certainly does not have a crush on him.

 

* * *

 

Hanzo gets home at six o'clock and immediately flops down face first onto his bed.  Midterms were finally over and even though he was thoroughly prepared for them, they still wiped him out.  All Hanzo wants to do now is fill the bath and soak in it until Genji tries to kick him out of the bathroom.  

Hanzo's phone goes off in the depths of his bag and he groans before heaving himself up and digging around for it.  He swears, if it's one of his group project members complaining about doing too much work, he going to personally strangle them.    He's pleasantly surprised when he instead sees a new text from McCree.

 

_[McCree] 0609pm_

_Hey u busy??_

_[Hanzo] 0610pm_

_No, I just got home_

_[McCree] 0610pm_

_Great I wanna show u something, can I pick u up in 20 min?_

_[Hanzo] 0612pm_

_Sure???_

_[McCree] 0612pm_

_Don't worry, I think u'll like it_

_[Hanzo] 0613pm_

_I have high expectations now_

_[Hanzo] 0617pm_

_Wait you don't have a car_

_McCree are you telling me I have to get on your motorcycle?????_

_[McCree] 0618pm_

_I'm an excellent driver, Gabe wouldn't have let me get one if I wasn't, just wear long pants sturdy shoes and a thick jacket, I have a helmet for you_

_See you in 15 ;D_

 

Hanzo groans again and goes to find appropriate clothes in his closet.  Hanzo didn't realize how much the biker and punk aesthetics overlapped until he finds out that picking out suitable clothes is surprisingly easy.  His favorite pairs of boots and leather jacket are probably okay and matched with some jeans covers all the requirements.

Ten minutes later Hanzo hears the rumble of a motorcycle pulling up.  He meets McCree on the street and Hanzo scowls slightly when McCree looks way to excited to do this.  

McCree laughs.  “Oh come on, don't give me that look Han.”

“Do you know how many motorcycle accidents there are every year?  And why does it have to be so loud?”

“Han I promise I won't let anything happen to you.  I can't do anything about the noise, that's a Harley for you, but it's not as bad when you have a helmet on.  Trust me?”

The last sentence comes out as a half statement, half question, and with the hopeful look McCree is giving him Hanzo is helpless to say anything but yes.  

McCree helps him with his helmet then slings his long leg over the chassis.  When the bike is upright he pats the seat behind him and tells Hanzo how to get on.  

“Wrap your arms around me and hold on tight, we don't want you falling off now that I finally got you on.”

Whatever retort Hanzo was thinking up gets cut off by McCree starting up his bike.  Hanzo gingerly wraps his arms around McCree's waist as he pulls out and thinks this isn't so bad.  Then McCree opens up the throttle and shoots down the street. Hanzo instantly tightens his grip and buries his head into McCree's back as they wind through traffic.  

He doesn't lift his head until McCree pokes his leg.  Hanzo can't help the wondrous look that he's sure is on his face.  They're on one of the empty highways heading out of the city towards the small mountain range Hanzo can see from campus and has always been meaning to hike one day.  Hanzo wasn't expecting how amazing it would be to ride on a motorcycle either.  The open air around him, wind ripping at his jacket, engine rumbling between his legs; it's freeing and terrifying in almost the same way he felt when he left home for the last time.  

They ride for about an hour, quickly traveling from the city to the mountains, until McCree pulls over into a small parking lot for an overlook right off the highway.  Hanzo's legs feel like jelly when he climbs off the bike and stumbles a bit trying to get feeling back in them.  McCree unfairly hops off with no problem and grabs a duffle bag out of the saddlebags on the bike.

Hanzo follows McCree down to the overlook but becomes confused when they don't stop there.  McCree leads them down a path that Hanzo wouldn't be able to see unless he was looking for it and around a bend until they get to another overlook, one that obviously very few people know about.  Hanzo can see the whole city from here and it's absolutely glowing thanks to the setting sun.

“So, whaddya think?” McCree asks as he spreads out a blanket from the bag he brought.

“It's beautiful.  How did you find this place?”

“When Gabe and I first moved here we spent the first couple weekends just exploring the area.  We came up here to the main overlook just spent hours sittin’ up here and talkin’.  Eventually I got bored, started climbin’, and may have possibly fell down the side of the mountain a bit.”

“You did not!”  Hanzo sits down on the blanket and accepts a thermos.  A quick whiff tells him it's full of hot chocolate.

“I did, gave Gabe a heart attack too until he found me sittin’ here with a broken wrist.  After I was all healed up we came back here and kinda made it our spot.”

“Reyes is more than just your coach, is he not?”

“Yea, he's more or less my dad.”

“More or less?”

McCree shifts uncomfortably.  

“I am sorry.  I did not mean to overstep any boundaries.”

“Naw, it's alright.  I just haven't talked about it that much.  There's no adoption papers or anything like that but he's always been there for me, ever since he got me out of that gang.”

Hanzo nearly chokes on his hot chocolate.  “A gang?”

“And that's why I don't talk about it much.”

“I am sorry, I mean no offense.  I am just have a hard time believing you were in a gang.  It goes against everything I know about you.”

“Yea I was definitely a different person back then.”

“What happened?  What changed?”

“Well back then, my ‘friends’ and I got our kicks by breaking into people's houses, stealing what we could carry and wrecking what we couldn't.  Eventually we broke into the wrong house, Gabe’s house.  When he come down the steps waving ‘round a shotgun the guys I was with got the hell out of dodge and left me behind to deal with Gabe and the cops, only Gabe never called the cops.  He took one look at me and said ‘You got two choices kid.  One: I call the cops and you go to jail or two: leave those asshats forever, stay with me, and let me help you turn your life around.’  Pretty easy to see what I chose.  

“We moved up here shortly after that, I finished up high school online, took enough AP courses to skip a couple semesters of college, Gabe pulled some strings and asked some favors from his, at the time, friend Jack, and got me in here.  Sombra came around under similar circumstances eventually and the rest is history.”

“That is an amazing story.”

“Really?  Most people wouldn't use that word I think.”

“But it is.  You were given an unfair start in life but you managed to turn it into, arguably, a resounding success.”

McCree smiles.  It’s soft and sincere and beautiful.  “Thanks Hanzo.  That means a lot to me.”

Hanzo smiles back then turns back towards the city.  The sun has completely set and the city is lit up in lights.  The stars have also come out, painting a beautiful picture across the sky.

Hearing McCree's story must have given Hanzo some courage, because before he knows it he's opening his mouth to talk about his past as well.

“I did not have the best upbringing either.  I grew up very privileged, but also very isolated and with very high expectations.”

“Hey, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to.  I didn't tell you about my past to make you do the same.”

“I know, but I want to tell you this as well.”  It’s the truth and Hanzo takes a deep breath before continuing.

“It was not bad when I was young, it was actually very nice.  My father is the CEO of a very large and very successful company back in Japan.  This made our family very wealthy and very powerful and able to live in comfort.  Our mother was very kind and compassionate and loved to dote on Genji and I.  She was the soul of our family and when she died everything started to fall apart.  

“My father became cold and distant forgetting that he had two sons grieving as well.  He threw himself into his work and dragged Genji and I into it as well.  I was expected to take over the company after him just like he did for his father, and his father before him.  Genji was meant to do the same and help me, but he started acting out instead and went to parties to get high or drunk or sleep with someone new every night.”

“That doesn't sound like the Genji I've met.”

Hanzo shrugs.  “You are not the only person to have changed.  

“Even though I was unhappy with the future my father planned out for me I accepted it without question.  Everything in my life became about preparing me for the company.  I was forced to stop all my ‘frivolous’ interests, like art, and pick up more serious endeavors.  Very rarely was I allowed to choose those endeavors.  Archery was one of the few things I was allowed to pursue and I loved it, until I became good enough to compete at regional and national competitions and win at them.”

“That doesn't seem like such a bad thing.  Getting medals and awards and stuff.”

“For a normal family that would be a good thing.  Did you know I was supposed to compete at the Olympics last summer?”

“No shit, really?”

“Yes.  I was the best archer in Japan and my near perfect scores cemented my position.  But anything less than perfection was not enough and no matter how much I trained or how hard I tried it was never enough in my father’s eyes.  He believed that without perfection I did not deserve my accolades.  I started to hate him for it but since I could not act out against him, I turned that hate onto my brother.  My father’s advisors encouraged it, they believed Genji was bringing me down, and my father certainly did nothing about it.  

“We started arguing and grew apart.  It didn't help that we discovered that not everything the company did was strictly legal.  Genji was furious when he found out and could not understand why I was not angry as well.  I was, make no mistake, I just could not express it like he could. 

“Everything became worse when I left for university.  My days here were filled with taking the classes my father and advisors had picked out for me and my days at home were filled with fighting with Genji and working at the company.  I was absolutely miserable.”

“But something had to change,” McCree interjects.  “I mean you just started shooting again and you mentioned a fallout with your family that one night.”

“Yes, I- I had a very violent wake up call.”  Hanzo’s throat sizes up with emotion and the words refuse to come out.

“Hey, don’t force it.”  McCree lays a gentle hand on one of Hanzo’s knees.

Hanzo takes a couple deep breaths and uses the warmth of McCree’s hand to anchor him.  “I am sorry, I just… I have never told anyone this before.  None of my friends know the complete story.”

“It’s all good.  Just take yer time.”  Hanzo takes one more deep breath before continuing.

“The summer after my sophomore year I had a very bad fight with Genji and thanks to my luck it happened while I was driving us home after picking him up from a party.  I was not paying attention to the road and I ran a red light.”

“Fuckin’ hell.”

“Another car ran into ours on Genji’s side.  Both of us were rushed to the hospital with serious injuries; I almost lost my legs, Genji almost died.  It was in the recovery room that I realized I had almost died after living a wasted life and I had almost taken Genji down with me.  I begged for his forgiveness and somehow Genji found it in him to forgive me.  

“As soon as we were healthy enough to, we packed up our bags, told our father, our family, and the company to go fuck themselves, and left our home for the last time.  After that Genji started university here with me, I switch my major from business to math, and as you said, the rest is history.”

McCree is silent for a while and Hanzo starts panicking slightly.  He shouldn't have dumped all of that on McCree, _what was he thinking_.  McCree probably thinks he’s some sort of monster for letting his brother get hurt like that.

The hug takes him by surprise and he freezes when he realizes what's happening.  McCree doesn't let up through, just waits for Hanzo to slowly relax.  McCree pulls away slowly and looks at Hanzo with a soft expression.  

“What was that for?” Hanzo asks.

“If I had to go through that, I figured I would want a hug too.”

Confusion shifts to realization.  When was the last time someone, besides Genji, had touched him like that because they cared about him?  Amélie and Satya are great friends but they are also very non-tactile people.  And his family certainly did nothing of the sort.

“Thank you,” Hanzo says, so softly he's not sure McCree heard it.  

McCree lies down and looks up at the stars.  

“The only thing I miss about Santa Fe was all the stars I could see.  Go out into the desert at night with the nearest city a couple miles away and the whole sky lit up.  There's still some light pollution up here but it's still close enough to remind me of the old view.”  McCree points up and Hanzo lies down to look at the cluster of stars he's pointing at.  “That's Aquarius right there, and to its right way over there is Draco.”

McCree points out a few more and Hanzo pays close attention, like this is going to be on an exam.  He doesn't realize how close they've shifted together until McCree drops his hand and it brushes up against his arm.  Hanzo is suddenly very aware of how their shoulders are a hairsbreadth away and how if he turned his head he could count each and every freckle on McCree's face.  He also becomes very aware of how hard his heart pounds at the thought.  

The silence that follows is comfortable, but fragile, like the wrong word would shatter it and thrust them back into reality.  Part of Hanzo wants the moment to stretch out until the sun comes back up, but Hanzo aggressively ignores that thought and lets out a slightly exaggerated yawn.  

“Oh, didn't realize how late it is.  Let's get ya back home before you fall asleep on the back of my bike.”

They pack up the blanket and thermoses and load them on the motorcycle.  When Hanzo climbs on he hesitates for only a second before wrapping his arms securely around McCree.  The motorcycle roars to life and they head back down the mountain. 

The ride back is over far too quickly for Hanzo’s liking (not that he would ever admit it) and before he knows it they’re pulling up to his apartment.  He climbs off the bike and gives the helmet back to McCree. 

“Thank you, McCree, for taking me with you tonight and showing me your overlook.  It means a lot to me that you shared it with me.”

“Aww it ain’t nothing Han, especially when I shared it with someone I care about.”

“Oh, well…” Hanzo feels his face start to heat up and ducks his head.

“Hey, I- I was wonderin’ if I could ask ya somethin’,” McCree says almost shyly.

Hanzo yawns again, not exaggerated this time.  He’s about to fall asleep on his feet.  “Is it important?  Or can it wait until I have gotten some rest?”

“Oh! Uhh, I don’t mean to keep ya up.  Go get some shut eye and I’ll ask ya when yer not dead on yer feet.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yea, yea.  I’ll see ya on Monday.”

Hanzo waves goodbye and watches McCree drive off.  When he finally disappears from sight Hanzo goes upstairs and finally climbs into bed. 

Despite his tiredness Hanzo cannot fall asleep.  The night keeps replaying through his mind over and over forcing him to relive it again and again.  Not that Hanzo entirely minds.  He had a great time.  He liked sitting at the overlook.  He really liked hanging out with Jesse.  He really likes Jesse.

Hanzo bolts upright.

Shit.

He has a crush on Jesse McCree.

 

* * *

 

Hanzo sits at his usual table with Satya and Amélie on a beautiful Thursday afternoon and impatiently checks his watch and tapping his pen on his open notebook.  Jesse’s late for their study session and Hanzo really needs him to look over this history essay before he turns it in tomorrow to make sure he has all the facts correct.  To be fair, Jesse’s usually late, but it’s usually only by a few minutes.  Right now, it’s ticking closer to half an hour and every minute has Hanzo worrying more and more.

“Will you please stop!” Satya finally snaps.

Hanzo’s pen freezes in midair before he gently puts it down.  “Sorry.”

“Your boyfriend will be here eventually, _Cherie_ , stop fretting.”

“I know, but he has never been this late before,” he says while he scans the quad.  “And he’s not my boyfriend,” he adds almost as an afterthought.

Jesse is not his boyfriend and will never be because even though Hanzo has a serious crush on him, he has no intentions to act on it.  He’s too busy with his classes and work to worry about a relationship.  And that’s not even considering the fact that there is no way Jesse likes him like that.  People don’t get crushes on Hanzo.  He’s too up-tight and controlling and stoic.  The characteristics that let him get along so well with Amélie and Satya are the same reasons why he can never get beyond the occasional one night stand. 

That fact has never bothered him before, and even though it has been causing him to lose some sleep the past week, Hanzo’s sure he’ll get over it and the crush soon and never have to worry about that again.

Just as Hanzo pulls his phone out to send Jesse a text, he spots said man walking briskly across the quad towards the table.  Jesse sits down with a huff and for the first time since they met, he actually looks angry.  Everyone sits in silence for a couple long minutes, holding their breath to see what will happen.  Jesse is oblivious to the tension and just stares at some unknown point on the table and rapidly bounces his leg.

“Hello?” Hanzo tries to ask softly.  The greeting still startles Jesse out of his thoughts. 

“Oh, hey.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yea….no.  It ain’t important.”

“It is bothering you so it must be important.”

“It’s just- remember what I told ya last week?  When we went up to the lookout?”

“ _Quoi?”_ Amélie suddenly interjects.  She probably thinks their little trip to the lookout was a date which is precisely why Hanzo didn’t tell her about it.  Hanzo shoots her a glare that says ‘not now’ and she sends a glare back that says ‘we will be talking about this later’.

“Yes, I do,” Hanzo says, turning his attention back to Jesse.

“Well-“ Jesse suddenly seems to remember that they aren’t alone at the table.  “Actually, can we take this somewhere a lil’ more private.”

“Of course.”  Hanzo knows a perfect spot at the edge of the quad where they can talk.  A big tree almost no one walks by since most of the buildings on campus are in the opposite direction.  A small, traitorous part of Hanzo’s brain unconsciously makes Hanzo take Jesse’s hand with his own to lead him over there.  By the time he realizes what he’s done his heart is stuttering in his chest and it’s too late to discreetly drop it until they’re under the tree.

“What is wrong?”

“Well when I told you about Deadlock, the gang I was in, I might have left a few details out.  Like how we did more than break into people’s homes and how those bigger plans were usually my idea.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“I haven’t been keeping tabs on Deadlock since I got out, but apparently they’re still kickin’ around ‘cuz a couple of them showed up just a little while ago and stopped me right outside of campus.  They wanted me back, plan a couple heists, an’ jus’ be back in general.”

“How did they even find you all the way out here?”

“No idea, which freaks me out more than anything.  But they wouldn’t take no for an answer and it took me threatenin’ to call the cops for them to leave.”

“Do you think they will come back?”

“Probably, which pisses me off ‘cuz I got a good thing going here.  A really good thing with Gabe, and classes, and all my friends and you, and I don’t wanna mess that up.”  Hanzo tries to ignore the way his heart fluttered when Jesse specifically mentioned him.  “The fact that they think I would just drop my life to go back to that shit show jus’…”  Jesse’s pacing now and running his hands through his hair.

“It angers you.”

“Yea, it fuckin’ pisses me off.”

Hanzo bites his lip as an idea comes to his mind.  With a couple moments of deliberation he spits it out.

“I am sorry that your past is coming back to haunt you, and even though I cannot help with that, I may be able to help you with your anger if you would like.”

“Aw ya don’t have to help me if ya don’t want to.  I probably shouldn’t be dumpin’ all’a this on ya anyways.”

“I want to help.”

“Oh, then yea.  I’ll try whatever yer offerin’.”

“Do you have any more classes today?  Or anything that needs to be done?”

“Nah.”

“Did Reyes give you a key to the archery range here on campus by any chance?”

“No, but there’s one in his office an’ I have a key for that.  Why?”

“I find that learning new things helps me take my mind off matters that are troubling me.  Maybe learning how to fire a bow will help you calm yourself.”

“Yea, I suppose I could try that.”

“Then let us go.”

Hanzo follows Jesse to Reyes’ office, then to the archery range.  He sets Jesse up with a basic recurve bow to start with and walks him through the basic techniques.  The first arrow Jesse fires doesn’t even hit the target and Hanzo has to try really hard not to laugh at the pout Jesse does. 

“Remember, the arrow is comparable to the sight on your gun, if it does not line up with the target it will not hit the target.”

“I know, I jus’ feel like it’s gonna whack me in the face when I release it.  Ain’t there some other way I can shoot it that doesn’t require it being so close to my face?”

“There is, but it is an advanced technique and as you know, beginners must master the basics first.”

“Yea, yea.  Alright, teach, how do I do this again?”

“Left arm sturdy and strong, right elbow high and the fletching high on your cheek, right below your eye.”

“Like this?”

“Higher.”

“Now?”

“Higher, and tighten your core.”

“Seriously?”

“Yes, seriously.  Here, let me help.”  Hanzo walks up right behind Jesse and pulls his shoulders back.  Then then he stabilizes Jesse’s left arm with his own and lifts his right arm up to the correct position.   “Now, deep breath in,” Hanzo breathes in and feels Jesse copy him.  “Out, and fire.”  They exhale together and Jesse releases the arrow.  They watch it zip towards the target and bury itself in the red ring.

“Wow,” Jesse almost whispers.

Hanzo lets out a breathy laugh and turns his head towards Jesse.  Suddenly, he’s all too aware of how close they are to each other.  His front is practically plastered to Jesse’s very muscular back and their noses are almost touching.  Hanzo almost jumps away because his gay little heart can’t handle it, but then Jesse makes eye contact and he’s pinned in place. 

They stay there, staring into each other’s eyes and breathing the same air, for a long minute.  Hanzo can feel his heart speed up and he desperately hopes Jesse can’t feel it.  The air feels electric and the only thing Hanzo can think about is that Jesse’s eyes are the exact color of caramel.

“Hey,” Jesse finally says breaking the silence.  “I think I dropped my arrows, because you got me all ‘a-quiver’.”

When the words finally worm their way through the fog surrounding Hanzo’s brain he bursts out laughing.

“Oh my god, that was terrible!”

“Really?  “Cuz I thought that was one’a my better ones,” Jesse says with a chuckle.

“Just- just get back to shooting.”

“Wait, where ya goin’?  It wasn’t really that bad was it?”

“I am just going to go refill my water bottle.  I’ll be right back.”

Hanzo leaves the room and collapses against the wall as soon as he rounds the corner.

Getting over this crush is going to be a lot harder than he thought.

 

* * *

 

Hanzo is shooting like shit.  Has been all day.  In class he couldn’t find his focus and ended up shooting all over the target, much to the delight of the pretentious asshat Byron Something-Fish-Related.  He walked out of the phy ed building angry and more stressed than when he walked in.  Then later at Blackwatch everything got worse to the point where he could barely hit the targets.  His teammates were all giving him worried looks, even Reyes came by to make sure he was okay.  Hanzo knows they meant well but his stress, anger, and pride made him snap at them and refuse their help.  He would blame all of this on it being a Monday, but it’s a Tuesday so that excuse doesn’t quite work.

Now, Hanzo shoots the last arrow from his quiver into the target.  It lands in the outermost ring and he slams his bow down onto the table next to him with a frustrated growl.  Though, he quickly snatches it back up and checks it for damage and to reset the calibrations.

“Hey there, Han,” says someone from behind him in a familiar drawl.  The sound causes butterflies to take flight in his stomach and he aggressively tamps them down before turning around.  He does not have the time to be worrying about his stupid crush right now.

Jesse’s slightly worried face greets him.  Hanzo tries to meet him with a smile but something in Jesse’s face tells him he failed at that.  Just add that to the list of disappointments he’s accumulated today.

“Hey, you okay?”

He’s really not.  He’s stressed and exhausted and it shows.  His shirt is wrinkled, he hasn’t switched out his glasses for contacts for three days now, and half of his hair is falling out of his usually carefully styled  topknot.  Despite this, Hanzo opens his mouth to assure Jesse everything is fine, but he freezes and finds that he doesn’t want to –can’t- lie to him. 

“No, I am not.  I have not been sleeping well this week and I know I am going to fail the American History exam tomorrow even though I have been studying for it for weeks and usually shooting helps me relax and refocus but I cannot focus enough for that to happen which is frustrating me and causing me more stress and-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Jesse interrupts as he grabs Hanzo’s shoulders.  “Slow down and take a deep breath.”

Hanzo mimics the deep breath Jesse takes and lets all the air rushes out of his body.  He sits down on the table in a slump and lets his head fall forward and collide with Jesse’s chest.  Right now, he’s too worn out to care about how intimate the position is and what implications that brings and how that makes the butterflies in his stomach act up again.  Right now, Jesse is warm and rubbing gentle patterns along his spine.

“Lemme see if I got this right,” Jesse says softly.  “Yer shootin’ like shit ‘cuz yer stressed and haven’t been sleepin’.  And yer stressed and haven’t been sleepin’ ‘cuz of Lodge’s exam tomorrow.”

Hanzo grunts in agreement.

“Alright, well as yer TA for the class I’m not allowed to give ya a better grade on it when I help grade it later this week, or let ya look at the exam, or basically give ya any unfair advantage on it.”

Hanzo pulls back just enough to say “I would not ask any of that from you.”

“I know, but I wasn’t finished.  ‘Cuz as yer friend, who knows that subject inside and out, I can help you study for it until you feel ready for it.  How does that sound?”

“Very good, thank you.” Hanzo straightens back up and takes another deep breath.  He has a plan now, no need to panic.

“Okay, how ‘bout you pack up all yer stuff and drive over to my apartment, you remember where it is right?” Hanzo nods.  “Great, now when’s the last time ya ate?”

Hanzo thinks hard.  “This morning, I think…. Yes, this morning.”  He remembers the protein bar he choked down and the coffee he burned his tongue on in his mad dash to get to the library for some studying before his first class.

“Hmm, well that’s a little concerning that it took ya that long to remember and skippin’ lunch ain’t doin’ ya no good.  So, I’m gonna pick up some groceries and make ya some dinner as well.  No arguin’, ya need the fuel.  Take my key and let yerself into my place since you’ll get there before me.  See ya in a bit.”

Jesse drops the key into Hanzo’s hand and walks away with a smile.  Hanzo’s stunned that Jesse handed his key over like that, without hesitation, but quickly recovers his arrows from the target and packs up his bow.

Twenty minutes later he’s letting himself into Jesse’s apartment.  It’s exactly how he remembers it, maybe a little messier, but still very lived in, and comfy, and warm.  A quick walk around the place produces no sign of Sombra.  Good, he wants a little privacy tonight.

Wait.  Why would he want that?  They’re just studying, nothing more.  _Stop obsessing over this infatuation Hanzo!_

Hanzo drops his bag onto the couch and pulls out his notes.  Might as well get a head start while he waits.

Fifteen minutes later Jesse walks in with an armful of groceries and Hanzo has made absolutely no progress.  Oh, and his hair tie broke when he was trying to pull all his hair back up.  Hanzo just groans into his hands and wishes for a quick death.

“Come on, take a break from that and help me cook dinner.”  Hanzo doesn’t protest when Jesse pulls him up and drags him into the kitchen.

“What are you making?” Hanzo asks when then finish unpacking all the food.  There’s ground beef, chicken stock, rice, and a bunch of different vegetables.

“ _We_ are making _Albondigas_.  Gabe used to make it for me all the time when I wasn’t feeling great either.  It’s actually the first meal he made for me after he took me in.  It quickly became our thing and always makes me feel better.  Hopefully it’ll do the same for you.”

The butterflies in Hanzo’s stomach start up again when he hears how personal the dish is for Jesse.  He wants to ask why he would share such a dish with him but a small thought in his mind insists that he already knows the answer.  Hanzo fervently ignores that thought and instead follows the directions Jesse gives him.  He cuts up the vegetables and potatoes and dumps them in the broth heating up on the stovetop while Jesse makes meatballs out of the ground beef and rice and various spices he pulls off of his shelves.

Jesse fills the time with idle chatter that actually gets Hanzo to relax and forget about his stress if only for a little while.  And of course the delicious smelling dinner helps as well.

The soup is done twenty minutes later and Jesse ladles it into two large bowls.  Hanzo follows him over to the couch and takes a bowl when they sit down.  His first taste is tentative, but when the flavors explode across his tongue he digs in with fervor.  He didn’t realize how hungry he was until he tasted this amazing food.

“Whoa slow down there, can’t have ya get out of studying that easily,” Jesse says with a laugh.

Hanzo stops a takes a breath.  “Excuse me, this food is amazing!”

“Glad ya like it.  Eat as much as you want we got all night.”

Hanzo ends up eating two more bowls before he was full and ready to try studying again.

“Now, what’re ya having trouble with the most, let’s start there,” Jesse says as he spreads out all of Hanzo’s notes.

“Everything.  The dates, all these court cases, there are so many of them and I cannot keep them straight in my mind.”

Jesse lets out a long sigh and runs his hand through his hair.

“Alright, well it won’t be impossible, and I won’t let you fail, but this is going to take all night so I hope yer ready for the long haul.”

They start at the beginning and slowly but surely make their way through all the material.  Jesse gives Hanzo pop quizzes every once in a while, and even though they start out rough Hanzo gets a few more questions rights every time.  After many hours, only two additional breakdowns, and too many cups of coffee, Jesse stares at the last page of notes and gives Hanzo his final pop quiz question.

“From 1965 to 1968, what are the top three cited reasons for the rise in urban crime and rioting?”

“Waning patience of the populace concerning civil rights specifically for African Americans, hardening attitudes, and… and…”

“Come on, ya got this.”

“And… radically polarizing opinions!”

“Yes!”

“Yes?”

“Yea!  Ya got every question right and I can officially say, you will pass this exam.”

Hanzo could honestly start crying.  Four hours ago he was wishing for a quick death and now all he wants to do is hug Jesse and thank him every day for the rest of his life. 

The late night and exhaustion must be affecting his inhibitions, because before he realizes what he’s doing Hanzo is throwing his arms around Jesse and pulling him into a tight hug.

“Thank you,” he murmurs into Jesse’s neck.  _‘God he smells amazing’_ his brain unhelpfully supplies.

“Hey, it ain’t nothin’.  It was my pleasure ta help ya,” Jesse says as he relaxes from the surprise and tentatively wraps his arms around Hanzo’s waist.

They stay like that for a couple more seconds before Hanzo pulls away slowly, too slowly.  He freezes when he pulls back just enough to look at Jesse in the eyes. 

Nobody should have the right to look that good this late at night.  Jesse’s eyes are soft but alert.  His smile is small but authentic and kind and makes his lips look very kissable.  And the faint blush highlighting his freckles sends an arrow straight through Hanzo’s heart. 

Hanzo realizes he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Part of him wants to lean forward and kiss those damn lips, and another part of him wants to let go of Jesse’s shoulders and go home before he embarrasses himself and does something he’ll regret.

_But what if you don’t regret it?  What if he does like you back and he’s thinking the same thing?_

_Impossible, you already went over why he would never like you like that._

_But you don’t know for sure!  Just kiss him, take the chance, you’ll regret it if you do nothing._

_You’ll regret it if you do!  He doesn’t like you and he’ll never love you back!_

A calloused hand on his cheek startles Hanzo out of his inner turmoil.  Jesse’s eyes are lidded and his gaze keeps flickering back to Hanzo’s lips as he slowly leans in.  He closes his eyes and gets close enough for Hanzo to feel his soft exhales on his own lips.  Hanzo’s heart is about to beat out of his chest and his emotions are still battling with each other.

Fear beats out desire.

Hanzo rockets off the couch and out of Jesse’s space.  Jesse almost face plants into the cushions when he meets air instead of Hanzo.

“I- I need to go, I am sorry,” Hanzo stammers as he quickly starts gathering up his notes and shoving them in his backpack.

“Shit- Hanzo, wait.  I’m sorry.  I thought you-  I didn’t-”

“No, I am sorry.  Thank you for all your help tonight, but I need to go.  Hanzo grabs his backpack, his textbook, and his keys and makes a beeline for the front door.

“Hanzo, wait!  Please!”

Hanzo grabs his shoes and runs out the door without looking back.  He skips down the hall as he tries to pull his boots on without stopping and runs to his car.  In a single breath he throws his stuff in the back, turns it on, and is peeling away from the curb.

Only when he pulls into his parking space in front of his apartment does Hanzo fully realize what he’s done.  He slams his palm against the steering wheel as his eyes start to water.  He hits it again, and again, and again as he wills for no tears to fall.

_Regret._

_Regret._

_Regret._

 

* * *

 

Hanzo passes the test easily.  Jesse said he wasn't going to give him any special help on it but Hanzo still notices that some of the topics that Jesse made sure Hanzo completely understood were on the exam. For a moment he's relieved and happy, but then he's walking to the front of the classroom to turn in his answers to Jesse.

Jesse sees him walking up and gives him an encouraging smile. Memories of last night burn fresh in Hanzo's mind and how he royally fucked everything up between them. He practically shoves his answers into Jesse's hands then walks out of the classroom as fast as he can so he doesn't risk disappointing Jesse again.

Less than ten minutes later Hanzo collapses at the usual table in the quad and buries his head in his arms.

“Did you fail your exam?” Satya asks.  Hanzo grunts a negative.

“Did you not see your boyfriend yet today?”  Amélie asks.  Hanzo grunts out a drawn out, pained sound.  “ _Chérie_ , I do not speak caveman.  Speak in a language I know.”

“Everything is fucked up,” he says, muffled.

“How so?” she says, sounding oddly sympathetic.  He finally drags his head up and finds Amélie and even Satya looking at him curiously.  He sighs and explains what happened last night.  By the time he finishes Amélie is looking at him like he’s an idiot.

“Hanzo, I do not understand how you can be so stupid.”

“Excuse me?”

“You have been pining over that man for the better part of this semester and when he finally reciprocates your feelings you scurry out of there like a scared little boy.  You are an idiot.”

“But he is not reciprocating my feelings, or have you forgotten that no one likes dating me!”

“Obviously that’s not true since McCree wants to.”

“Until he finds out how ‘cold’ I am and how I ‘take everything too seriously’ and how I ‘never make time for anyone else’.  Then I am going to lose this friendship and-”

“Stop repeating what others have said about you,” Satya suddenly interjects.  “They said those things because they wanted to change you.  They didn’t take the time to know _you_.  McCree has.”

Thinking back, Hanzo knows Satya is right.  Never once, has Jesse gotten mad at him for not responding to a text, or been weirded out when Hanzo brought him a small gift he obviously needed but never explicitly mentioned.  He’s put up with his perfectionist tendencies that ranged from needing to understand how exactly World War I started to walking through the local beauty salon for hours to find the exact brand of hair products Genji wanted. 

Jesse’s only ever been the best of friends to him.

“You are right… And-” Hanzo stops when he catches sight of Jesse walking across the courtyard, straight for their table.

_This is your chance, talk to him._

_No, haven’t you already done enough damage?_

Jesse’s been the best to him, but he hasn’t been the best to Jesse.  He doesn’t deserve this.

“I cannot do this.  I just- I can’t.”

Hanzo quickly grabs all of his stuff and ignores his friend’s protests.  He’s gone before Jesse makes it halfway across the lawn.

 

* * *

 

_[Jesse] 0831pm_

_Good job surviving the exam!  Told ya u could do it!_

_And can we please talk about the other night?  I feel like we need to clear the air_

_Please?_

Hanzo shoves his phone back into his pocket without replying.  He doesn’t need Jesse to tell him how he messed up everything.  Still, he knows he should apologize to Jesse but his anxiety keeps filling his head with fear and any hope or motivation he’s working up gets washed away.

A small part of him still hopes that he’ll get over his feelings for Jesse and that they can go back to how things were.

The rational part of him knows that that probably isn’t going to happen.

He keeps his head down as he pushes the door open to Blackwatch Ranges and quickly walks over the archery lanes.  The lanes are blessedly empty and Hanzo breathes a sigh of relief. 

The past couple days he’s started going to the ranges later than usually to avoid being there the same time as Jesse.  That earned him a couple worried texts from some of the other archers that worked out there, but he brushed them off with a small lie of having a lot of homework.

He knows he should talk to Jesse sooner than later and clear the air, but every time he works up the courage to do so, his anxiety flairs up and reminds him of all the ways it will go wrong until Hanzo admits defeat again.  That’s why he’s also taken to sitting in the very back of the lecture hall during American History instead of his usual seat. 

It gets so bad that some days Hanzo thinks it would be better to just let Jesse go completely.  It would certainly be the easiest option.

Hanzo shakes his head and pushes those thoughts to the back of his mind.  He’s here to train, not analyze one of his many bad decisions in life.  He methodically stretches and checks over his bow before firing a couple warm up shots.  Something feels off but he doesn’t know what.  With a deep breath Hanzo gets ready to actually get some practice in. 

The next couple hours pass by agonizingly slow.  He can’t seem to get into the headspace that lets him zone out and focus only on his shooting.  On top of that all of his shots land just outside of the bullseye and doesn’t know how to fix it. 

What is wrong with him?  Why can’t he just shoot straight?

Hanzo’s eyes flick down to his phone, resting on the seat next to him.  With an angry growl he grabs it and shoves it into the depths of his backpack.

Jesse’s not that important.

He’s not.

 

* * *

 

Jesse doesn’t send any more texts.

 

* * *

 

If his friends notice his worsening mood, they don’t say anything.  Good.  Hanzo never liked being pitied.  And anyways, he deserves this.

 

* * *

 

Hanzo skips class.  Hanzo Shimada, top student who has placed his education over everything else for the past five years, skips class.  All because the thought of walking into that history class, seeing Jesse, and acting like nothing is wrong makes him sick to his stomach.  He misses Jesse.  He misses his laugh and easy conversation.  He misses his beautiful smile and generous touches.  He misses the opportunity they had to be something more, something closer, something good.

Above all that, he misses his friend.

If he thought he had a chance to set things right he would take it, but it’s been a week since he fucked up –and continued to fuck up- and he knows that that bridge is burned forever.  So Hanzo does the only thing he feels able to do and skips class and hides in bed with the lights off and the blankets pulled up to his nose.  He feels like an over-dramatic emo preteen but there’s no one here to judge him so who cares.

He ignores his phone when it goes off –probably Satya and Amelie wondering where he is- and continues to stare at the wall.  He skips lunch and plans on skipping dinner too, until his door slams open and Genji walks in.

“There you are!” Genji says far too loudly.  “Everyone’s been looking for you all day.  They even started pestering me to see if I’ve seen you.”

Hanzo groans and pulls the blanket over his head to block out the light and noise.

“Have- have you been here all day?  Did you skip class?”

Hanzo just curls up tighter under the blanket.

“Holy shit!  My brother skipped class!” Genji says with an incredible laugh, though it quickly tapers off as his face grows pensive.  “Wait… Hanzo, why did you skip class?”

“Go away Genji.”

“Anija-”

“Go away!”

“No, not until you tell me what made _you_ skip class. I won’t let you ice me out like this, not like before.”

Hanzo holds out for a minute before finally pulling the blankets down.  Genji climbs in next to him and lies down with him just like when they were kids. 

“I miss him,” Hanzo finally whispers.

“Who?  Jesse?”

“…Yes.”

“Because you’re in love with him?”

Hanzo whips his head around to glare at Genji.  “I am- I am _not_ in love with him.”

“Oh so you don’t get this stupid, dopey look on your face every time you’re near him?”

“I- no- you-” Hanzo tries to stammer out an argument.

“Relax, I’m not going to give you too much shit.  But you do love him, don’t you?”

“…I do not know.  Maybe.  I am not sure what to call it.”

“Well, that’s better than what I was expecting.”

“Which was?”

“Complete denial.  But hey, I can work with this.  So, what happened between you two to turn you into this mess?”

“Jesse almost kissed me last week.  And like a coward, I ran.”

“Hanzo no, you didn’t,” Genji groans.

“And then when he reached out, probably to apologize for coming on to me, like I did not want it, I ran away.  Again.”

Genji groans louder and drags his hands down his face.

“I know!  I know.  I fucked up and now there’s nothing I can do about it.  It’s what I deserve and yet I cannot accept it and get over it.”

Genji sits up and looks down at Hanzo with a very serious expression.  “Hanzo you do not deserve this.  No- you don’t.  Yea, you fucked up but everyone messes up sometimes.  Just because you messed up doesn’t mean you deserve to be miserable.”

“But I’ve been nothing but cruel to him.”

“You haven’t been cruel.  A royal ass, yes, but not cruel.  I don’t think you actually have a cruel bone in your body, which is why I also think Jesse will forgive you if you ask for it.”

“What?” Hanzo sits up as well and scoffs.  “Why the hell would he forgive me?”

“Because if he feels anything close to what you feel for him, he will.  And if he doesn’t feel that, than he doesn’t deserve you,” Genji says with a gentle shove to Hanzo’s shoulder.  That gets a small half smile out of Hanzo, though it falls again quickly.

“What if he still doesn’t forgive me?” he asks quietly.

“Then you’ll come back here, we’ll eat ramen and ice cream all night, and we’ll figure something out.  We’ve spent too much of our lives being denied of things that we want.  We owe it to ourselves to at least try to get something that we want.”

Hanzo’s quiet for a while, taking it all in.  His anxiety tells him every way that can go wrong, but for once Genji’s words drown it out and give him some confidence he hasn’t felt in a while.

“Are we sure you’re not the wiser, older brother?” he says with a smirk.

Genji laughs and shoves Hanzo over.  “Shut up!  Now get out of bed, get some clean clothes on, and go find Jesse.”

Hanzo climbs out over Genji, taking care to step on his brother more than once.  He throws some clothes on that don’t smell and quickly becomes a presentable member of society.  Genji hands him his car keys on his way out the door with an encouraging smile.

Hanzo makes it all the way to Jesse’s apartment building without losing his nerve.  It’s only when he gets out of his car does his hands start shaking a little and does he start to doubt himself.  Still, he does not let himself turn around.  He practices under his breath was he’s going to say to Jesse as he walks up the stairs to his door.  He hesitates only for a second before knocking and holding his breath.

One second.  Two seconds.

Maybe he’s not home?

The door finally flings open and Hanzo gets as far as opening his mouth before he realizes that Jesse is not standing in front of him.  Instead, Sombra stands there with her arms crossed and an unimpressed look on her face.  It’s a silent standoff for a couple seconds before until Hanzo clears his throat.

“Umm, is Jesse here?”

“No,” she says flatly.

Hanzo waits for Sombra to elaborate but she doesn’t.

“Do you know where I can find him?”

“Yes.”

Again, no elaboration.

“”Will you tell-”

“You really hurt him, you know?”

“I- I know.”

“He may act like nothing can wipe that smile off his face but that’s just a face, just like how you like to pretend that you don’t care.”

“I do care!” Hanzo snaps.  Shit, getting defensive won’t help anyone right now.  He takes a moment to compose himself and get his anger under control.  “That is why I need to apologize to him.  I know I hurt him and that I acted like an ass.  I know I do not deserve his friendship, or your help, but I would like a second chance to earn it back.”

Sombra taps her fingers rhythmically on her bicep while she makes up her mind.  Hanzo doesn’t move a muscle or back down from his words.  He meant it and he will follow this through until the end.

“You’re lucky our family believes in second chances, but you _won’t_ get a third.”

Hanzo breathes a sigh of relief.  “Thank you, I promise I will not ask for that third chance.”

“Yea ok, ok.  He’s at Blackwatch.  Now get out of here before I change my mind.”

Hanzo says thanks again then runs back to his car.  He’s got a second chance.  He can do this.

He pulls up to the ranges and barely wastes a second putting the car in park and turning it off before he’s running into the building.  He skids to a stop when he sees Reyes behind the front desk.  Reyes looks up and slowly closes the magazine he was reading before stalking over to Hanzo who is very quickly reminded how intimidating this man can be.

“Sombra’s already told me what’s going on.  _Do not_ make me regret this.”

“You will not.  I promise.”

Hanzo runs back to the ranges and finds Jesse in his usual lane, squeezing six shots from his revolver in quick succession before reloading it with a flourish.  A quick look finds six bullseye through the paper target. 

Hanzo takes a moment to compose himself and waits until Jesse’s reloading again to announce his presence.  A flash of surprise goes across Jesse’s face when he turns around, though it’s quickly replaced with cool indifference.

“Hey,” Jesse says before turning back towards the target.  Not shooting, but not looking at Hanzo.  A neutral greeting for a stranger.

“Hello.”

They stand there in awkward silence.  Looks like Jesse isn’t going to make this any easier for Hanzo. 

Hanzo takes a deep breath, amassing every ounce of courage he has.  “I am sorry.  I was a coward that night and I treated you terribly afterwards even though you did nothing wrong.  I… I have not felt this strongly about anyone before, especially a dear friend of mine, and I was afraid of not being enough or of disappointing you and ruining the friendship we had.  I took out my anxiety and fears on you and I am sorry.”

Hanzo has to stop for a second to catch his breath and to keep his voice from breaking.  Every word gets harder and harder to force out but it needs to be said, especially this last bit.

“I miss you.  And I think… I think I love you.  I do not say this to pressure you and if you want me to leave I will, but I would like a second chance to get this right.”

Silence stretches out again between them as Hanzo stands there with a straight back, but head bowed and as Jesse continues to look down the lane, gun half raised like he can’t decide if he wants to ignore Hanzo or not.

A minute passes before Jesse sighs and gets the revolver down. 

“Since we’re bein’ honest,” he starts, still not looking at Hanzo, “ya hurt me… a lot.  An’ a part of me wants ta tell ya ta fuck off.”

“…I understand.”  Hanzo takes that for what it is, a dismissal, and turns around to leave.

“But-”

Hanzo freezes.

“A bigger part of me missed ya too.”

Hanzo slowly turns around and finds Jesse looking at him with a tired and vulnerable expression.

“I missed ya an’ I think I might be in love with ya too an’ I still wanna see where this thing between us goes.”

“Really?” Hanzo asks, not quite believing.  He takes a couple hesitant steps back towards Jesse.

“Yea, really.”  Jesse walks over to him until they’re standing a foot apart.  “Don’t get me wrong, I’m still kinda mad at ya for shutting me out like that, but I’m willin’ to forgive ya an’ move on if ya promise not to do that again.  Jus’ talk to me next time, I’ll understand.”

“I promise,” Hanzo says without hesitation.   That finally gets a smile on Jesse’s face and to Hanzo, it feels like the whole world has brightened up. 

Jesse takes another half step forward so they’re standing less than a hand’s breadth away.  Hanzo’s heart skips a beat but he doesn’t feel nervous or scared like before.  What does he have to be scared about when Jesse is so honest and kind and- _so Jesse_.

With slow motions Jesse takes Hanzo’s wrist in a loose grip and traces circle on the back of his wrist with his thumb.  His other hand comes up to run a knuckle over his cheekbone and gentle tilt his head up.

“I would really like ta try kissin’ ya again, if that’s alright?”

Not trusting his voice, Hanzo nods and tilts his face up just a little more, a clear invitation.

Jesse cups his jaw and leans down.  Their lips touch in a light, chaste kiss and Hanzo feels the last bit of tension unwrap from around his heart and bleed out of his body.  This is exactly what he wanted.

Jesse pulls back a few seconds later but Hanzo wastes no time pulling him back down for a second kiss, and third, and a fourth.  He can’t get enough of it.

And it just feels right.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at [cryptidhanzoshimada](http://cryptidhanzoshimada.tumblr.com)


End file.
